What does Being successful mean to you?

What if being successful is not about how big your house is or how many trips to Europe you’ve taken this year or whether you have a second home in Aspen or whether you are driving a new, expensive car?  What if being successful is about leaving the planet a better place than when you got here?  What if being successful is about feeling successful.

Lots of mega-wealthy people and superstars do not feel successful.  Maybe they are not giving back or giving back for the wrong reasons; maybe their motives aren’t pure. Maybe they don’t feel worthy of success or have nagging doubts or negativity that they have never dealt with.  What's happening on the outside is not necessarily how you feel on the inside.

So how can you feel successful? What can you do differently? What I am going to share with you, you may have heard before.  Knowing is not enough.  It's about making changes to how you live your life and how you are in the world.  It's about upgrading your attitude to gratitude, appreciation, and acceptance. 

The key is to be fully present and stop worrying about the future and judging the past; stop feeling bad about mistakes; stop holding onto regrets; stop not allowing yourself to heal and move forward.

Here are some simple steps to get you there.  Although they are easy to understand, it’s up to you to take action until they are a part of who you are.

Key #1

Stop. Cease all activity for a few moments and breathe.  Breathing in through your nose and out of your nose with the out breath longer than the in breath.  This tells your sympathetic and parasympathetic nervous system that's it's okay to relax, release, soften and let go. 

Shallow breathing sends you into fight or flight response. Take the time every day to practice this simple breathing technique, retraining your body to accept a new, chill way of being.  Practice makes permanent.  So, schedule times of the day to engage. 

Notice how when you feel when your lungs really fill up with fresh air and let the old, stale air out; you feel better. You are fully oxygenated. You’ve let something go. Notice how you feel when you breathe this way; notice how it's easier to let go; notice how it's easier to allow your body to let go of stress.

Key #2

Be grateful. Gratitude is a choice. You may say you are grateful, but nothing is real until you feel it.  Choose to feel grateful.  Sometime every day for 10 minutes, write down what you are grateful for about that day. Write a paragraph describing something you have experienced or observed or been a part of for which you are truly grateful.

Keep a Gratitude Journal. Once a week, read some of the things that you wrote. See how your life changes as you express and feel grateful for what you already have, all the gifts that life presents when you are aware and pay attention to the nuances of your life.

Key #3

Lovingly and with clear, strong boundaries, parent your inner child.  We parent our kids; but not ourselves, the part of you that is afraid or anxious, worried or stressed, or is throwing a tantrum because it’s not getting something it wants now. 

Our uncooperative, unruly, demanding inner child is just bits of us that we have shoved aside as unacceptable, have avoided and denied, and have never grown up.  Ask yourself, if this child was on the outside of me and I was being kind and compassionate, firm and loving, what would I do?

 You might give the child a hug, buckle her up in the back seat and continue on your way driving forward.   You might divert his attention; we are getting into the car now and going, let’s focus on the wonderful things that are ahead of us today. 

It's about parenting these bits of ourselves, loving them, nurturing them, until they are all grown up inside of us.

Key #4

Turn your inner critic into an inner coach. Notice the negative self-talk, all the things that you say to yourself, almost unconsciously, that are just not nice.  You would never talk to anyone else like that, and yet you verbally abuse and berate yourself. 

Choose to be aware of what’s going on in your mind as you drive your car and go about your day. Notice how you drag yourself down by what you tell yourself.

Why do you do such things? It’s a weird psychology. Here’s the gist of it: If you put yourself down and criticize yourself, then it won’t hurt or be as impactful when someone else does the same to you. You will be prepared.

It doesn’t make sense does it. There’s a lot of things that you and I do that don’t make any sense.  The beauty is that you chose to do it and you can choose something else now. It just takes consistent effort and practice.

It takes 28 days to create a new habit, and that doesn’t mean realize it and leave it. That means taking steps to create real change.  Saying no to the inner critic, feeling the feelings underneath what is said and loving that bit of you. It’s a cry for help and we all do it.

So, acknowledge what you said, feel the feelings that the hurtful words are covering up, love that bit of yourself, let go of it all, allow it to drop away, and choose the inner coach.  Acknowledging your feelings is powerful. Feeling never killed anyone. They are just feelings. When you acknowledge them, you take the wind out of the sales of all that old stuff, that stuff that you are now letting go.

If you heard your best friend talk to herself like this, what positive, supporting, uplifting things would you say to her. Now do this for yourself and feel how that feels. Take it on board. It’s the new you in the making!

This is all about dropping the judgment.  Imagine that your negative opinions about yourself, your situation, your circumstances are a penny in your hand. You simply open your hand and let it go.  That's how easy it is to drop the judgment if you but choose.

When you let go of the judgment, which by the way is keeping you stuck and going around in circles like a hamster on a wheel, it’s easy to feel gratitude and acceptance. It’s easy to feel more love and genuine, caring support.

Wrapping it Up

Breath work, gratitude, strong, clear, and loving boundaries and being your own inner coach are golden keys to feeling successful.   Parent yourself. Give yourself the loving care and attention that you need to transform from the inside out. 

This takes time, perseverance, determination, and effort. Consistency and constancy.  There is no magic pill to feeling successful.  It's about being the change you'd like to see in the world, creating and being on the inside what you would like to see on the outside. 

Never give up and you will succeed, one step forward at a time.  And each step forward, no matter how small, is a victory beyond measure.  Something to acknowledge and celebrate as the foundation for the new you that you are creating.

You want more clients?  Your Golden Key to Success may not be what you think. It's missing in so many interactions nowadays; and when you encounter it, it's like a breath of fresh air.  What am I talking about is humility.

Humility goes a long way when it comes to attracting and keeping clients. There’s no bigger turn off than dealing with someone who is arrogant or full of themselves, someone who is a know-it-all and refuses to listen.

So, what is humility?

Humility is about acknowledging how far you’ve come while recognizing how far you still have to go; it’s about accepting where you are at, warts and all, while being kind to yourself.  We are all works in progress.

How can we be more humble?

Be genuinely self-effacing. That's endearing. Know that you are good at what you do without flaunting it. Enjoy helping others without any pretense of being better than, with simply a willingness to serve. 

Be genuinely likable. If you are humble and likable, then you will be a pleasure to deal with, and people will feel that you have their back.  Make it easy for people to be in your presence without being a doormat.  Create a drama-free zone.  When people are with you, they know that you won't make a mountain out of a mole hill or dump your problems on them or judge them or be a drama queen. 

Know that you are worthy of success. When you are humble, you have nothing to prove. When you feel worthy of having clients that love to do business with you, when you feel worthy of receiving all the abundance that is coming your way, again in genuine humility, people will enjoy working with you.

 Breathe deeply, slow down and relax. When you are calm and assured, people will relax in your presence and enjoy being with you. 

Be grateful for what you have. Gratitude is a golden key to success. Take stock of your life, all the people that love and care about you, your friends and family, your home and possessions, your health and the ease and comfort in which you live, the things you get to do, everything and anything you may have taken for granted.  When you are grateful for what you have, when you drop any feelings of entitlement or being better or worse than anybody else, when you breathe and take time to enjoy your life, when you value your uniqueness and what you bring to the table, humility is possible.

Cultivate humility and notice the grace, ease and flow that enriches your life; notice how people are naturally attracted to working with you.

You want to be profitable, to attract the right and perfect clients / customers who will benefit from and be grateful for your products and services.

You want clients / customers who feel drawn to work with and buy from you. Your products and services speak to them. There is an affinity. They resonate with what you are offering and are drawn to you. They find you because what you say and do; what you put out to the world attracts them to you.

Here’s something to ponder:   If you want to be more profitable, if you want more of the right people to find you, look at yourself honestly with a focus of letting go of what’s not working.

Your biases may be getting in the way of generating and expanding your success. Everyone has biases. You may not see them in yourself. But I bet you see them in other people.  Biases that block you can run unconsciously; they are so ingrained that you don’t even notice them.

Triggers can be someone’s weight, how they dress, if they smoke, their religion, their ethnicity, the color of their skin or their sexual orientation. Other, perhaps more-subtle triggers are someone’s mannerisms, accent, makeup, and shoes.

I am not saying to disregard your intuition. Always listen to your inner knowing, that still small voice that guides you when you stop and pay attention. What I am saying is to notice when you move away from someone who could be a client or customer because of their packaging on the outside.

People feel when you back away from them - when you discount or judge them. It’s palatable.

There are some great videos about bias. One is of a critically acclaimed violinist playing unnoticed in the New York subway. He is wearing common clothes and looks like a nobody.  His music is amazing and almost no one stops to listen.  People rush by him as if he does not exist, speaking volumes of how we are programmed to be.

This is about helping you not walk away from business opportunities because of your biases, making your unconscious biases conscious!  Choose to be aware, and ask yourself, 'What am I thinking when I see someone on the street? In the news? At an event? What are my first thoughts? 

Notice when you use all or never when referring to a someone, a group or organization. Notice if you put people or whole groups of people in box. Notice how it feels if someone does this to you.

Be open to new possibilities. Drop the judgment and look for similarities instead of differences: 'I wonder what we have in common?'  You might be really surprised to find people you thought you had nothing in common with have a genuine connection, simply because you engaged in a conversation and asked open questions with a genuine desire to learn.

You may notice new kinds of people streaming into your business, and how cool that would be!

How do you feel about marketing, walking into an event where you barely know anyone, calling someone you barely know?

Marketing makes a lot of people anxious and physically tense.  And what's strange is that many of us tend to have the skills of connecting with people on a personal level, listening to their concerns, talking about their day, asking to see photos of their personal life, travels, experiences.

So remember, connecting with people is one of your strengths.  And remember, you can use this strength, build rapport, get and keep clients and close deals during the times that suit you.

Marketing does not have to interfere with your family, friends, or personal time. You can be successful without engaging in activities that have been essential to rainmaking for others, like golf, sports, and drinks after work.  You can create a marketing plan that works with who you are.

With all of this in mind, here are 6 tips for attracting clients.

No 1: Target the Top 20 in a New Way

Don’t focus on everyone or just anybody. 

Consider:

Who are my top 5 prospects -- the people that would love to work with me now or sometime in the future? 

Who are my top 5 connectors – the people who can refer prospects to me?

There are lots of people in our circle of connections who are happy to help us and we to help them, they just need to know who our ideal client is.  So, tell your friends and colleagues about your target market and let them share theirs with you. Make notes, so you will remember. 

Cultivate business friends and networks that work for you.  Be intentional and selective.

And give what you would like to receive -- no strings attached. That’s the clearest, brightest, way to create what you want in life. 

If you want to get leads, be generous in giving them. Be generous in helping others succeed with no expectation of getting anything back in return. That’s part of the heart-felt law of attraction: give what you would love to receive; teach what you most need to learn. 

Generosity and kindness go a long way in creating prosperity and abundance.

Consider where you most feel to invest your time and energy:  organizations? like-minded people? groups in your trade, business, or industry? Neighborhood or community associations or gatherings? Go with your intuition or gut instinct; follow your heart.

Find some quiet time to slow down and listen. Meditate. Breathe. Ask for guidance: Where to from here? Where can I best focus my energies for the highest good of all concerned?  Listen.  The inspiration you receive will not be loud and booming like the conversations in your mind.  Inspiration comes as a whisper, a feeling or knowing.

Relax and be open to guidance and be patient; guidance may come when least expected - while you are watching a movie, from a random comment by a friend, from a passage in a book, while taking a shower, in a dream.  The universe will respond to you.  It's up to you to be aware and discerning; there's a lot of negativity out there; just be open to inspiration.

Once you are clear, your mind may come up with lots of reasons why not.  Don't listen.  That's counter intention or your own ego trying to keep you small.    Be like the stern yet loving parent with an unruly child. Just say no, let go of all the reasons why not; drop all doubts, and love the child, that part of you that's afraid and feels abandoned and alone.   

No 2: Open Doors with Authenticity

You probably don't like it when someone calls you just to sell you something, even if you've done business with them before. So, don't do it to anybody else.

If you don’t have a good reason to contact someone, don't; that's the Golden Rule!

Good reasons are:

Invitations

Introductions

Information 

Intimacy (e.g., kindness and compassion)

You might send an invite to attend a social, political, or educational event as your guest.  The purpose could be to introduce your potential client to someone who can help their career.  You could send her information about a product or service that could help him/her (not yours!).  You could tell them about a class or seminar that feels timely.  You could send them a breaking news story or information about a piece of legislation or a new law that affects them.  You could contact them because something major just happened in their life - a death, birth or surgery; a trip or something fun and exciting. Or it may be something light and fun, like you are both following a television series and you text them about something funny.