What does it mean to lead from the heart, to lead from a space of equanimity, kindness, or calm assurance?  It means motivating people from love, not fear.

When we motivate people with fear, "Get this down now or else!", we make them feel small and useless, afraid of doing something ‘wrong’, afraid of giving it a go and making a mistake, afraid of doing anything that could make leadership or their immediate superior mad.

Fear causes people to doubt themselves, to feel anxious and alone.  Fear encourages your people to be suspicious of one another, not knowing who might be a back stabber or tattle tale.

When we motivate our people with love, they feel more belonging, that they fit in and have a purpose at work.  They feel more valued and respected.

People want to fit in, to belong, to feel like their contribution matters. When people feel like they belong, they participate and become a part of the community.  They reach out and work as a team. They have each other’s backs and have the backs of the ones directing them, because their leaders, bosses, superiors have their backs, and that’s their natural, genuine response. Kindness and consideration beget more kindness and consideration. 

This is not about being a doormat. When we lead from the heart, we still need to have clear, strong appropriate boundaries. The people and teams that work for us still need to know what's expected of them, the standards of excellence that they need to uphold, individually and collectively.

When we as leaders are responsible to all members of our group and they are individually responsible to and for each other, everyone learns from one another.  It saves time and supports success on all levels, from financial success to mental health success to emotional maturity success. 

More prosperity, more happy and content people, more acting like responsible, caring adults instead of kids having a tantrum or demanding to get their way.  This is about honoring our ability to lead, our unique gifts as well as the positive qualities, strengths, and abilities of everyone who works for or with us.

It's about recognizing and rewarding value, acknowledging your own strengths and weakness and have a healthy sense of humility, being willing to learn from and listen to others.  Knowing that we don't know everything, that we still have a lot to learn, and being open to learning from those around you; practicing and living this is a huge step forward on the road to excellence as a leader.

It's about having the courage to face whatever presents and trusting in our ability and the ability of those around us to succeed.   The only thing others can use against us is our own fear, and we can choose not to buy into that.  We can choose and re-choose to be motivated by love.

Love can move mountains in business and life.  It can inspire, uplift and motivate everyone around us simply by the calm, self-assured presence that we hold.

Simon Sinek's books, Start with Why and Leaders Eat Last are great reads, giving us the specifics we may need to have a clearer, more grounded picture of the long-term benefits of leading from the heart.  Leading from the heart may mean not following the crowd, debunking the theory of strength in numbers and learning to more deeply follow and honor the guidance that comes from within.

Okay, you are a leader, you've done a lot, you've got people depending on you, but are you coachable?

Why does it matter?  The only certainty in this world is that everything changes.  If you are a leader and you are not open to change, if you are not willing to self-reflect, look inside, be willing to be wrong and make changes, maybe it's time to consider a 180.

Coach-able leaders engage in regular self-reflection. Reflection is more than careful thought, it's a meditative activity. Reflection is about reviewing your actions and beliefs for the purpose of learning, learning from your mistakes, learning by taking an honest look at yourself and what's working in your personal and professional life, and what could use some help.

Perhaps that's why some companies have retreats to revitalize, refresh, invigorate and energize their people.  Retreats give us a chance to unwind from the grind and breathe and feel and think and maybe see the world and our lives a little bit differently.

So, take some time. Maybe every day or every week to relax and reflect, not from your busy mind, more like a pondering in the heart, feeling. This gives you the opportunity to come to a new understanding which can result in more harmonious decisions and actions in the future. Your personal ongoing development and growth, in short, is key to your personal contentment and success.

We can take a lot of our cues from what others say and think, not really valuing our own knowing, looking outside of self for answers.  In the long run, that slowing down and looking within yields a whole different caliber of results.

How do we start?  Review you day before going to sleep.  How could you have handled things differently or better, what would that look like, how would that feel?  Where were you at you best?  Where could you have done better, and what would that look like?

When we review at bedtime something happens while we sleep, like all the better ways of acting and handling things gets uploaded to apply and use the next time something similar happens.

Be curious.  Some people journal, some ponder, some close their eyes and relax back in their easy chair and contemplate, some meditate and ask for guidance.

Self-reflection takes courage, courage to look within and be honest, courage to be open vulnerable.  No matter what we see, mistakes are just opportunities to learn and grow; they don't mean anything about us, and best of all we can choose to learn from them.

Self-reflection is courageous and can feel confronting.  If we feel defensive or irritable as we review our day, we can simply acknowledge that all of our feelings, everything we feel is valid.

Self-reflection is about dropping the need to always be doing something, always getting something done.  Self-reflection is a Being experience.  Even if we don't see an immediate return on our investment, self-reflection is a wise use of our time and energy. It's about balancing the wisdom of taking action with the wisdom of looking for guidance from within.

Be coachable. Coach yourself, or work with a coach that you trust and has your back, that is passionate about helping you be the best you can be, to reach your goals in a way that resonates with who you are and what you're about, who partners with you to discover the wisdom within.

Integrity matters in leadership, having an integrated body, mind, and spirit.  There's congruency.  Your actions match your words, which reflects who you truly are.  

Saying one thing and doing another is not integrity.  Having the same set of operating instructions, the same code of ethics, rules, and guidelines no matter where you are or what you are doing is about being in integrity.  Having one set of rules for you and another set for everyone else is not. 

A brilliant test for integrity is The Foxhole Test:  Would I want to be in a foxhole with you?  It's all about trust, trusting someone to have your back. How well do you fair with this test?

Integrity is about taking responsibility for our actions as they happen, no matter if anyone is looking or not, not waiting to get caught.  It's about minimizing the fallout of our mistakes, being proactive and learning from what we've done so we don't repeat them.

Our people will respect us; we will gain their loyalty and trust if we promptly admit to doing something wrong and accept responsibility for the consequences of our action, role modeling what we want to see in them.

It's not about being right or wrong.  It's about being honest and accountable.  It's about telling our people what they need to hear with tact and kindness, not necessarily what they want to hear.

We, all of us, have an amazing capacity to come together in times of economic crisis and personal loss.  We can handle the truth, especially when our leaders instill hope and walk along side of us each step of the way.   An amazing example is Winston Churchill.  The first thing Churchill did as prime minister was to instill hope in the people of England!

When our people, our teams, divisions, colleagues, staff, know that we care about them, they feel safe, secure, and protected.  We set the tone and direction of those ones under your charge.  Being in integrity, being honest and forthright lays the foundation for a culture that values the same. 

It's not magic.  People follow you as the leader.   Take the privilege of being a leader to heart; watch the pulse of your integrity, keep holding the bar high, and continue to lead by example.

Let’s begin with some basics.

Your people (team or division members, staff, associates etc.) must trust each other and you to be effective and successful.  High performing teams have one thing in common: psychological safety, the belief that you won’t be punished for making a mistake.

When people feel psychologically safe, they will take risks, speak their mind, are creative and stick their neck out because they trust it won’t be cut off. These are the types of behaviors that lead to market breakthroughs.

Because of our innate fight-or-flight response to survival, people respond negatively, contract and defend in uncertain, interdependent environments. Our brains process provocation by a boss, competitiveness by a co-worker or dismissiveness by a subordinate as a life-or-death threat. An alarm bell goes off in our brains and it literally shuts down. Fight-or-flight response handicaps the strategic, creative, innovative thinking needed in today’s workplace.

People need to feel and experience positive emotions in order to succeed.   Positive emotions like trust, curiosity, confidence, and inspiration help us to solve complex problems and foster cooperative relationships. We are more open and expansive, calm, and centered; we are more resilient, motivated, inspired, persistent and self-determining when we feel safe. Humor, solution-finding and divergent, creative thinking increases with trust that we are protected and cared for, that we are valued and nurtured to be and do our best.

When the workplace feels challenging but not threatening, teams succeed where others have failed. Oxytocin levels in our brains rise, which instills feelings of joy and contentment that are enduring and long lasting.

In a fast-paced, highly demanding environment, success hinges on people’s ability to take risks and be vulnerable in front of their peers. This has been documented and shared by Google (see What Makes a Stellar Team . . . what this means to you)

We can duplicate Google’s success and increase psychological safety on our own team(s) by implementing common-sense fundamentals of business management or positive human relations. 

#1 Approach conflict as a collaborator, not an adversary.

Most people hate to lose. If they feel threatened with a loss of power, prestige, money, or security, they become competitive, critical and defensive.  True success is a win-win outcome, where everyone works together in the spirit of mutual support and cooperation.  Keep it simple. Ask, “How can we achieve a mutually desirable outcome?” Then, listen, listen, and keep listening.

#2 Speak human to human.

Meet people’s universal needs. Be genuinely curious.  Show people consideration and respect. Honor their strengths, gifts, abilities, and areas of expertise. Allow them to experience a sense of autonomy.  Recognizing and meeting these deep human needs elicits trust and promotes positive conversations and interactions.  Remind your teammates and colleagues that even in the most contentious negotiations, everyone wants to walk away feeling heard, understood, and happy.

Engage in group facilitations with guided one-on-one interactions between people of differing views. Engage in group-bonding discussions where sameness is reinforced and experienced on a deeper emotional level.  Create a “Just Like Me” experiences where everyone involved to come to a deeper knowing that:

This person has beliefs, perspectives, and opinions, just like me.

This person has hopes, anxieties, and vulnerabilities, just like me.

This person has friends, family, and perhaps children who love them, just like me.

This person wants to feel respected, appreciated, and competent, just like me.

This person wishes for peace, joy, and happiness, just like me.

#3 Anticipate reactions and plan countermoves.

Consider in advance how your audience will react to your message. This helps to ensure people will hear what you say as an invitation to work together and not as a personal attack regarding the quality of their work.  Prepare in advance. Gather concrete evidence to counter defensiveness when discussing hot-button issues. Consider the possible objections to the direction or position you are advocating, and how you would respond to those objections.

   Pretend that you are on the outside looking in and consider the weaknesses in your position, and ask yourself:

What are the main points I’d like to raise?

What are three ways listeners could respond?

How could I respond to each of these scenarios?

#4 Replace blame with curiosity.

Blame and criticism only escalate conflict. People become defensive and disengage. If your team members, division, or colleagues close off and are not fully present, reaching mutually advantageous decisions is not possible.

Choose to have a learner’s mind, one that is open to all possibilities and is willing to learn. If you know that you are right, there is no possibility for learning and growth. Acknowledge that you don’t have all the facts and that any solution that serves the highest good of what you and everyone else wants to accomplish is a win-win.

Having a learner’s mind is a learned behavior and tasks persistence, determination, and practice.

Here’s an example of how to confront problematic behavior in a new way, by stating the problem or what you have been observing in factual, neutral language.  “During the past two months, there’s been a noticeable drop in participation during meetings and progress appears to be slowing on your project.”

Engage everyone in an exploration

     “I imagine there are multiple factors at play. Perhaps we could uncover what they are together? How does that sound?”

Ask for solutions using open-ended questions stating with ‘what’ and ‘how’.

My experience as a coach has shown me over and over again that the people who have created problems hold the keys to solving those problems; and, that when they come up with their own workable solutions, there is a much greater probability for buy in and follow through.

Since a positive outcome depends on your people’s input and buy-in, ask them direct and open questions like:

“What do you think needs to happen here?”

“What would be your ideal scenario?”

“How could I support you?”

#5 Ask for feedback on delivery.

Asking for feedback on how you delivered your message is a wonderful way to harmonize difficult conversations. It disarms animosity and dissension, and allows for open engagement and helps you to be a better leader.

Your blind spots in communicating and relations are exposed so you can do a better job next time. Don’t take comments personally. Welcome them with gratitude and respect and thank each participant who shares with genuine humility.

This models fallibility. You are a living example of not being perfect (which, of course, applies to everyone) and being okay to make mistakes, own them and learn from the experience, and this makes you more trustworthy in the eyes of others.

Here are some sample questions that you can ask:

“What worked and what didn’t work in my delivery?”

“How did it feel to hear this message?”

“How could I have presented it more effectively?”       

When we have difficult conversations using this collaborative format, when we drop being superior or inferior, when we are respectfully humble and vulnerable and open to all possibilities to resolve a problem that benefits us all, magic happens. It’s about presenting reasonable evidence so that the recipients of your message want to hear more. It’s about being eager to discuss challenges so that solutions are possible.

#6 Measure psychological safety.

Don’t guess or assume, ask.  Periodically ask your people how safe they feel and what you can do to enhance their feelings of safety. Routinely take anonymous surveys on psychological safety and other team dynamics.

Ask questions like:

“How confident are you that you won’t receive retaliation or criticism if you admit an error or make a mistake?”

“On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being the lowest and 10 being the highest:

How easy is it to discuss difficult issues or problem?

How easy is it to ask other team members for help?

How easy is it to offer suggestions or solutions to problems, issues, or concerns?

How well is your input received?

How valued or respected do you feel for you contributions?

How much do you feel accepted and a part of the team?”

What needs to change to improve this situation? What’s one positive step that could be take or implemented now?

Wrapping it Up.

If you create this sense of psychological safety, you can expect to see higher levels of engagement, increased motivation to tackle difficult problems, more learning and development opportunities, and better performance.

People who feel respected, heard and understood, people who feel that their input counts and can make a real difference, people who feel valued and not judged, people who are not afraid to make mistakes, discuss them and collaborate with others to resolve, rectify or fix the problem, can help you increase workplace harmony, productivity and prosperity; and, this creates a cultural climate that draws the best and brightest who fit who you are and what you do to your organization.

The most successful people of all ages have viewed mistakes as opportunities to learn and grow. They have been industrious, genuinely curious and grateful to stand on the shoulders of those who have gone before them.

This is not about encouraging sloppy work, slovenly behavior, or a lackadaisical attitude. It’s about creating a work environment or community that is supportive, nurturing and encourages creativity, innovation, productivity, and positive growth.