There’s a lot of wisdom in Simon Sinek’s book, Leaders Eat Last.  Simon talks about how in the military, officers feed their troops first and always eat last.

This may seem counter intuitive, but it's not! Officers honor their responsibility to those who serve under them by taking care of their needs first, and we can learn a lot from them.  When we take care of our employees or team or division first, they take care of the people important to us, our clients and customers.

One way to do this is to give everyone a voice, an opportunity to be appreciated and heard.  Imagine your next meeting where you spoke last, no one knowing your views on the subject of the meeting, no thoughts or comments shared after each person speaks, no nodding your head in approval or disapproval.

Could you do this? What would happen if you did?  My challenge is to give it go.  If you really want your people to energized, enthusiastic and willing to give their best to succeed.

Can this be challenging? Yes.  For me, it felt like skiing down a mountain for the first time as a young adult.  I had just moved to Colorado and "You want me to point the tips of my skis down the mountain?  Are you crazy?"

Even if what I share goes counter to everything inside of you, pretend you have a pen in your mouth and cannot speak and watch the magic unfold. Each meeting could get better and better as your people learn the new 'rules' and feel more and more comfortable contributing.

Want specifics? Here's a step-by-step guide to running your next meeting.

Circulate a memo outlining the purpose of the meeting and what will be discussed. State the facts. Be straight forward, clear, and succinct. Don’t share any of your thoughts or feelings on the matter with anyone!

Schedule the meeting a few days later, setting time limits and parameters for the meeting.

Start the meeting by succinctly presenting the topic and welcome all discussion, all comments, ideas, innovations, concerns, and thoughts.

Allow everyone to speak.

If someone doesn’t volunteer, ask for their input.

Make sure that no one monopolizes the conversation.

Have clear boundaries and let everyone know in advance that this is a group effort, and that everyone will have equal time to participate.

Set time limits if necessary if monopolizers or know-it-alls are in the room.

Keep people on topic. If someone wanders off, thank them and let them know that this topic is for another meeting.

Thank everyone after they have shared. No feedback, verbal or non-verbal. Simply, “Thank. you, Frank. Julie, what are your thoughts on the matter?”

Be genuinely curious. Ask open ended questions:  Tell me more about that?” “What do you mean when you say…..” “Thanks for sharing, Indra. I’m curious how that would affect…..” “Joe, do you have any thoughts about that?”

Keep the meeting flowing and moving forward. Specifically asking different people in the room for their input or comments based upon what someone else has shared can be a great way to be inclusive.

Wrapping up the meeting after everyone has shared, go around the room as ask each person for their ‘take away’. "Jennifer, what's your takeaway for today's meeting?"  Or just ask a few key people if that's not possible because of time constraints.

Thank everyone for their input. Then briefly share your thoughts and feelings on the matter. Your vision. How you see things, giving yourself permission to change what you are going to say based on the great ideas and comments you have heard!

Close the meeting by either making a decision or letting everyone know that you will ponder all that has been shared and get back to them shortly.

The bottom line is to come to the meeting open to what everyone has to share as if you know nothing, open to all possibilities. The youngest, most inexperienced person there could be the one to offer the best idea.  And, in so doing you build openness; your people feel heard. They are a part of the decision-making process! And that builds trust and buy in to what you ultimately decide.

For attorneys and professionals who want to strengthen client trust

navigate complex conversations, and lead with clarity and calm assurance

There is a difference between being respected and being trusted

In the legal profession, expertise matters.

It is earned through years of education, experience, and disciplined thinking. It builds credibility. It opens doors.

And yet, inside law firms and professional environments, something else quietly determines who people turn to when it matters most.

Not just for answers.
But for guidance.
For steadiness.
For judgment.

Some attorneys are respected for what they know.

Others are trusted for how they lead.

That difference is shaped, again and again, in conversation.

In how someone listens.
In how they respond under pressure.
In how they handle moments that are uncertain, tense, or important.

Trusted leadership is not something declared.
It is something experienced.

They listen beyond the words

Most of us are trained to listen for information.

Facts. Issues. Positions. Strategy.

Trusted leaders listen for something more.

They listen for what matters beneath the words.

A hesitation in a client’s voice.
A concern that has not yet been spoken directly.
A shift in tone that signals something is off.

This kind of listening is not passive.

It is focused. It is intentional. It is disciplined.

And it changes everything.

Clients feel understood—not managed.
Colleagues feel respected—not overridden.
Conversations become more productive, because what actually matters has room to surface.

In legal practice, this is not just a “soft skill.”
It is a practical advantage in client relationships, negotiation, and sound decision-making.

They pause before they speak

In demanding professional environments, the pressure to respond quickly is constant.

To have the answer.
To move things forward.
To demonstrate confidence.

Trusted leaders do something that can look deceptively simple.

They pause.

Not because they lack clarity—but because they value it.

That pause allows them to notice what is happening in the room.
To separate reaction from response.
To choose words that will move the conversation forward, not escalate it.

It is in that small space that better thinking happens.

And over time, others begin to feel the difference.

There is less urgency.
More intention.
More trust in what is said—and how it is said.

They communicate with clarity, not force

There is a common misunderstanding in professional environments that clarity requires force.

That to be effective, communication must be firm, fast, and sometimes sharp.

Trusted leaders show a different way.

They are clear.
But they are not harsh.

They say what needs to be said—without overcomplicating, and without overpowering.

Their goal is not to win the moment.
It is to move the conversation.

Clients understand where they stand.
Teams understand what matters.
Decisions are made with greater confidence and less confusion.

Clarity, delivered with steadiness, is far more powerful than force.

They address what others avoid

Every law firm has conversations that linger just below the surface.

Misalignment between colleagues.
Unspoken expectations.
Tension that is felt but not addressed.

Avoiding these moments can feel easier in the short term.

But over time, avoidance creates strain—on relationships, on performance, and on culture.

Trusted leaders are willing to step into these conversations.

Not abruptly.
Not aggressively.

But directly, and with care.

They understand that a well-handled conversation can strengthen a relationship.
And that what is left unspoken often becomes more difficult with time.

This is where leadership becomes visible—not in control, but in courage and skill.

They regulate themselves first

Before any conversation begins externally, something is happening internally.

A reaction.
A judgment.
A sense of urgency or frustration.

Trusted leaders are aware of this.

They notice what is arising—and they do not immediately act from it.

Instead, they steady themselves.

This is what allows them to remain composed when others are not.
To stay thoughtful when the pressure rises.
To bring calm into conversations that could easily become adversarial.

This kind of self-regulation is not about suppressing emotion.

It is about leading it.

And in professional settings—especially in high-stakes legal work—it is essential.

They align their words with their intent

People are highly attuned to inconsistency.

When words and tone do not match, something feels off.

Even if no one says it directly, trust begins to erode.

Trusted leaders take care with alignment.

They are direct—but not cutting.
Honest—but not careless.
Clear—but not rigid.

There is a consistency in how they show up.

And over time, that consistency becomes something others rely on.

They understand that every conversation matters

Leadership is not built only in formal meetings or major decisions.

It is built in the small moments.

A brief exchange in the hallway.
A response to an email.
A tone in a meeting when something is not going as planned.

These moments accumulate.

They shape how others experience working with you.
Whether they feel respected.
Whether they feel heard.
Whether they trust your judgment.

Trusted leaders recognize this.

They understand that communication is not separate from leadership.

It is leadership.

A more grounded approach to leadership in law firms

As attorneys and professionals step into greater responsibility, many begin to notice something.

Technical expertise, while essential, is not what carries the most weight in complex situations.

It is the ability to:

• navigate important conversations with clarity

• build trust with clients and colleagues

• manage pressure without losing perspective

• communicate in a way that brings both steadiness and direction

These are not abstract qualities.

They are practical communication and leadership skills that influence:

• client relationships

• negotiation outcomes

• team effectiveness

• and the overall strength of a professional culture

More and more, law firms are recognizing that these skills can be developed—and that investing in them strengthens both performance and long-term success.

Trusted leadership is built over time

There is no single moment that defines a trusted leader.

It is built gradually.

In how you listen.
In how you respond.
In how you handle what is difficult, uncertain, or important.

Small shifts in communication can change the tone of a conversation.
The direction of a relationship.
The outcome of a situation.

And over time, those shifts become something more.

A way of leading that others experience as clear, steady, and dependable.

How do you inspire others to do what needs to be done, to achieve the impossible?  

You have faith. You embody faith. It’s a part of who you are. 

When you hold faith beyond the moment, you instill that faith in those around you. With that unwavering faith, you can lead people to greatness.

Winston Churchill had this ability. When people were around Winston, they felt like they could do anything. That’s the mark of a great leader. No one thought Great Britain and the Allies would win WWII, but win the war they did!

Faith is about knowing that no one is an island, that together is better, helping you accomplish what you couldn’t do alone. Great leaders use faith motivated by the highest good of all concerned to galvanize those around them to action.

How do you get faith?

You convince your subconscious mind. Perhaps you read affirmations aloud with passion until your subconscious mind returns your belief to your conscious mind and your heart as faith. 

You can deepen this process by acting as if the object of your desire, faith, is a reality now -- feeling, seeing, and knowing that you have faith.

Be careful. Your subconscious mind will just as readily translate into reality destructive thoughts as uplifting ones. Whether it’s true or not, you will believe whatever you repeat to yourself over and over again. 

If you always tell yourself that you’re stupid, you will believe it. If you believe that you are doomed to failure, you will fail.

Your experience will vary based on your beliefs. Whether you are bitter or better for an experience is determined in large measure by your faith. Your dominating thoughts mixed with emotion magnetically draw similar thoughts to you.

Like attracts like. If you believe you are successful, you are. Even in the face of failure, you will feel optimistic and see your situation as an opportunity to learn and grow.

Faith is the starting point for making your desires and goals a reality. Faith is the basis of all miracles which cannot be explained by the rational, thinking mind. Faith connects you directly with Infinite Intelligence and gives life, power, and action to your thoughts. 

Follow Winston Churchill’s example, make faith your antidote to failure, your key to success, your basis for inspiring others in a way that makes the world a better place because you are in it.

What does it mean to lead from the heart, to lead from a space of equanimity, kindness, or calm assurance?  It means motivating people from love, not fear.

When we motivate people with fear, "Get this down now or else!", we make them feel small and useless, afraid of doing something ‘wrong’, afraid of giving it a go and making a mistake, afraid of doing anything that could make leadership or their immediate superior mad.

Fear causes people to doubt themselves, to feel anxious and alone.  Fear encourages your people to be suspicious of one another, not knowing who might be a back stabber or tattle tale.

When we motivate our people with love, they feel more belonging, that they fit in and have a purpose at work.  They feel more valued and respected.

People want to fit in, to belong, to feel like their contribution matters. When people feel like they belong, they participate and become a part of the community.  They reach out and work as a team. They have each other’s backs and have the backs of the ones directing them, because their leaders, bosses, superiors have their backs, and that’s their natural, genuine response. Kindness and consideration beget more kindness and consideration. 

This is not about being a doormat. When we lead from the heart, we still need to have clear, strong appropriate boundaries. The people and teams that work for us still need to know what's expected of them, the standards of excellence that they need to uphold, individually and collectively.

When we as leaders are responsible to all members of our group and they are individually responsible to and for each other, everyone learns from one another.  It saves time and supports success on all levels, from financial success to mental health success to emotional maturity success. 

More prosperity, more happy and content people, more acting like responsible, caring adults instead of kids having a tantrum or demanding to get their way.  This is about honoring our ability to lead, our unique gifts as well as the positive qualities, strengths, and abilities of everyone who works for or with us.

It's about recognizing and rewarding value, acknowledging your own strengths and weakness and have a healthy sense of humility, being willing to learn from and listen to others.  Knowing that we don't know everything, that we still have a lot to learn, and being open to learning from those around you; practicing and living this is a huge step forward on the road to excellence as a leader.

It's about having the courage to face whatever presents and trusting in our ability and the ability of those around us to succeed.   The only thing others can use against us is our own fear, and we can choose not to buy into that.  We can choose and re-choose to be motivated by love.

Love can move mountains in business and life.  It can inspire, uplift and motivate everyone around us simply by the calm, self-assured presence that we hold.

Simon Sinek's books, Start with Why and Leaders Eat Last are great reads, giving us the specifics we may need to have a clearer, more grounded picture of the long-term benefits of leading from the heart.  Leading from the heart may mean not following the crowd, debunking the theory of strength in numbers and learning to more deeply follow and honor the guidance that comes from within.