It’s important to set clear and appropriate boundaries with the people we contact and interact with in our day-to-day life.  

How do you set boundaries? Do you set boundaries based on how you are feeling? 

For example, you are feeling really great and happy and loving, so your boundaries are wide open because you are feeling great.  This is a big mistake.  If you set your boundaries based upon how you feel, then someone can come along who is angry, upset, in reaction, projecting and knock you over with their energy.  Then you will tell yourself that it’s not safe to be open and shut down. 

The masterful way to set your boundaries, the way to set your boundaries that involves the most self-love and self-care, is to set your boundaries based upon how the other person is. That’s right, you set your boundaries based upon how loving the other person is. 

If the other person is open and loving, then you can allow your boundaries to relax a little bit and be genuinely more open with this person.  If the other person is not in love, but in some kind of fear, is anxious, frustrated, angry or upset, then you toughen up your boundaries, so your system is not polluted by their fear.  

So, the other person is holding a space of love, one of kindness and/or compassion, you can open up more; the other person is holding a space of anger and frustration, self-righteousness and superiority, you strengthen your boundaries and keep the less than love energies out. 

Our boundaries that we set for ourselves are porous.  The love comes in and touches our heart, the less than love is lovingly mirrored back to its source. Thanks, but no thank you to that energy.  We have enough to deal with without taking on the negative energies of others; and you will feel markedly better, more solid, confident and in your heart, when you are not dealing with the negativity and energy pollution of others!

Keep on loving and respecting yourself, as this will make you more fit for service, more able to share your gifts, talents, and abilities with the world!

I am probably not telling you anything that you don't know, everyone experiences a lot of stress.

The first thing you can do to reduce your stress is acknowledge it.  "I feel really stressed." "I feel anxious and overwhelmed."  Sounds simple, but what I've found is that there's a tendency to minimize all that we actually do.  So acknowledge how you are feeling and stop judging yourself or anyone else in the picture. Judgment keeps you going around in circles, spiraling into more stress and feeling stuck.

The second thing you need to do is take a look at how you are taking care of yourself. If you are running on empty, you will crash.  What do you need in term of TLC? exercise? massage? lunch or dinner date? an evening alone?  Whatever you need schedule self-care time every week, every day if possible.

Now let’s look at 5 keys to reducing your stress and experiencing more contentment.

Nothing is going to change by simply reading and understanding the material; you’ve probably heard it before. It's up to you to take action on the ground; to make a real commitment to yourself; to create a new way of being and experiencing life one small step at a time!

Remember:  Every small step you take forward is a victory beyond measure, to be acknowledged and celebrated.  Even you pick one key and take one small step with it, good on you!

Key #1: Take Breaks

When you feel stressed, when you have a lot to do, do not keep going; do not push through. Before you go into overwhelm, stop, breathe, and break the cycle.  Breathe in through your nose and out through your nose with the out breath longer than the in breath.  Take time for you.

Take a walk around the block. Go outside and sit on a park bench. Read a book. Listen to some music. Talk to a friend. Sip some tea. Breathe deeply. Smell the flowers. Notice the beauty around you. When you are relaxed and refreshed, you are more likely to get your best work done, faster and better.

Key #2: Get Enough Sleep

Listen to your body and get enough sleep. Take a nap, if necessary. Yoga and mindfulness activities can reduce your need for sleep; just listen to what your body is telling you. If you continue to override it, if you choose not to listen; chances are you will get sick or your body with revolt.  Being kind to yourself is not selfish; it’s essential to giving back and doing your best.

Key #3: Make Time for a Hobby

Painting, sculpting, swimming, hiking, joining in a book club or group that interests you, taking a class, learning to do something new, picking up and getting reacquainted with the guitar, piano or violin.  Ask yourself, what would be fun? Interesting? Challenging? What would expand my horizons and help get me out of a rut?

A hobby can bring so many things into your life; pick something that lights you up and makes your heart sing, that gets your creative juices flowing.  You can do it alone or with family and friends. It’s up to you.  Give yourself permission to nurture a part of your that’s been neglected or ignored.

Key #4: Leave Your Work at the Office

Set reasonable, clear and appropriate boundaries; the time when you no longer answer emails, respond to texts, answer or return phone calls.  Establish a policy and share it with those people who need to know.  Whatever feels urgent can usually wait till the morning; life will go on without you jumping.

This gives you the space to take care of the whole you: physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually.  If you are not happy how work is infringing on your personal time, then do something about it. You are worth it, and you’ll be a lot nicer to be around; the people who care about you are sure to notice the difference.

Key #5: Make Time for Health & Fitness: Physical, Emotional, Mental & Spiritual

How fit are you physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually?  What self-care activities are a part of your life? Meditation, prayer, yoga, walking, running, hiking, swimming, biking etc.? What about the foods you eat and the beverages you drink – healthy, not so much or toxic?

Are you attending to your emotional and spiritual needs? What lifts us up? Who inspires us?  How would it be to experience more grace, ease and flow?  How would it feel to be more compassionate?  How would your life be different?

What’s your mind filled with? A lot of useless or negative information? A lot of gratitude and love?  Are negative people impacting you and bringing you down?  What thoughts do you think? What ideas do you have that are not helping?

Notice where you are not being kind, not loving and nurturing to yourself.  What are you telling yourself?  What do you think? How would your life change if you treated yourself differently? If you rearranged your priorities?  Where are you ‘wasting your time’ on social media or other activities?

Your bodies (physical, emotional, mental and spiritual) are sacred, an amazing gift. Do you understand how blessed you are?  If you are stressed, overwhelmed, worried, frustrated, anxious, do something about it.  It’s okay to start small.  Don't add stress to your stress by changing everything at once; that's usually a recipe for disaster.  Do one thing that's new.  You created your current experience, and you can create something new; it’s up to you.

Make time.  Choose to be here now, fully present and enjoy being you more deeply.

Take care of yourself. Embrace life.

We must be the change we want to see in the world. We can see and feel it and help each other to create it.

Our outer world is a reflection of our inner world. When we change ourselves, when we bring more of our authentic, worthy, self-confident selves to the table, we can move mountains and support others to do the same. We are all interconnected.

The key is to start with our inner landscape and make positive changes there. This can feel challenging, and that’s okay. Anything worth having is worth fighting for.

We have been warriors for a long time. It takes courage to be true to ourselves and advocates for change. It takes courage to let go of what hasn’t been working and keep stepping forward.

We don’t have a shortage of courage. We just need the right tools and support to be and do our best, and that includes letting go of the need to be perfect or living our lives based upon the opinions and expectations of others.

When we know what we are moving towards and keep stepping, that’s when the magic happens!

Here’s two simple, life-changing tools that you can apply today, to change how you feel, full stop, as you do what needs to be done.

Key #1: Breath Work to Let Go

What happens when you feel stressed? When you just remember a deadline due tomorrow? When the school calls because your child is sick and it’s the worst possible time?

Here’s what happens: Fight or flight breathing – short shallow breaths.   Which results in feeling anxious and overwhelmed.

Breath Work can turn this around, can signal to our body to relax, release, soften and let go.  Simply breathe in through the nose and out through the nose, allowing the out breath to be longer than the in breath. 

We need to breathe to stay alive, so we can practice this calming breathing technique wherever we are.

Key #2: Eat That Frog

Thanks Brian Tracy. He wrote the book by this title, and it changed my life.

Eat That Frog is simple and easy to apply. Are you ready to stop procrastinating (e.g., Ugh, I wish that would go away) and do what needs to be done with calm assurance, grace, ease, and flow.

Sound too good to be true? It’s not. It’s just practical, common sense.

What does Eat That Frog mean? It means that you 'eat' the biggest, ugliest, slimiest frog in your in-tray at the beginning of each day. You don’t set it aside until later. You handle it first.

If there’s a phone call you need to make that you wish was already over, make that call before you do anything else.

If you need to prepare for it, do it. If you need to consider how to best handle the conversation, make a few notes. Then take a few deep breaths and make the call.

And, if necessary and prudent, follow up with written confirmation as to the content and agreed up action(s) or what next discussed in the call.

If there’s a report you need to prepare or a document you need to write, breath, get yourself in a calm, centered space, do the research, write down some notes or an outline, ask for inspiration, and just do it!

Then what? Pat yourself on the back and acknowledge yourself. You’ve just eaten the biggest, ugliest, slimiest frog. You didn’t procrastinate or wait until the last minute. Congratulations!

Now, tell yourself that anything else you do today is icing on the cake. It will be nice to accomplish, but it’s not necessary. You did what absolutely had to be done.

With this attitude, and the relief you feel because that frog is not hanging over your head, and conscious connected breathing is there to help you when you need it, life can start to feel remarkably different.

It's like resetting your internal clock to inner calm.

And that helps you to feel more confident and capable because you are connecting with a more relaxed and calm state of being.

AND it’s inside of you, so you are not looking for anyone or anything else to make it better . . . that’s empowering . . . and, from this relaxed and calm place, you are not trying to get anywhere, you are enjoying the process, the present moment of your life.

It’s like one ripple in the pond is breathing to clear yourself of negativity and relax and the second ripple is stepping towards what you previously would avoid or put off, and handling it in a creative, user-friendly way.

These ripples are cumulative.

The more you practice breath work and 'Eat that Frog', the more they become a part of who you are, the more you turn the tide toward what you would like to experience, the more you appreciate and enjoy your life.

What makes a team effective and stellar?

Over two years Google conducted 200+ interviews with its employees and looked at more than 250 attributes of 180+ active Google teams for the purpose of understanding team effectiveness. They wanted to replicate the attributes of their best performing teams throughout the company.

Google started their research with a bias. They thought that they would find that the perfect mix of people (i.e., the ‘magical algorithm’) would be a Rhodes Scholar, several extroverts, a PHD, and an engineer with top code writing skills.

BUT they were wrong.  They found that who is on a team is not nearly as important as how team members interact, work together and see their individual contributions.

Google found five keys that set successful teams heads and shoulders above the rest:

Psychological safety

Dependability

Structure & clarity

Meaning of work

Impact of work

Each member of the team

Feels safe to take risks, safe to be vulnerable. Gets things done on time, takes pride in their work and does their best.

Has clear roles, plans and goals, is aware of the big picture and plays their part.

Finds meaning in their work; it's personally important to them.

Believes that what they are doing matters and will make a difference.

Here's what really surprised Google was that psychological safety was by far the most important dynamic underpinning success. Feeling safe to take risks around others on the team is critical.

People feel safe to clarify a goal if they aren't sure exactly what is expected of them and others.  They don't worry about sounding like an idiot because it's okay not to know something - no big deal, just ask.  No one is going to think you are incompetent, unaware, or out of the loop.

That's huge.  Communication can be tricky.  

Be open, and don't assume you've got this covered!  Sometimes we need to slow down and not talk so fast. And it's never a good idea to assume that someone understands what we are saying.  We need to check in - What is their understanding?  What questions or concerns are coming up for them?

It's really important to be patient and understanding.  What is second nature to us can feel daunting and huge to someone else.

On the flip side, have you ever been a part of a team where there's backstabbing and secrecy. It's very stressful.

When we feel safe, we are more likely to partner with our teammates, more likely to find creative solutions, more likely to be make money in a way that feels deeply satisfying.

When we feel safe, being a part of a team feels exciting and positive, working together as dynamic, cohesive whole.  Feeling safe, creating that feeling of safely, is a top-down thing.  If you're at the top, you set the tone, the rules, the structure; you design the playing field.

What could you do differently? Where are there cracks or leaks or things that just aren't working?

Feeling safe if you're in the middle, that's tricky.  Can you help to change a system that's negatively impacting on your integrity and health, that might be salvageable; or do you need to move on?

There's a lot to psychological safety.  It's so much more than a buzz word.  It's a key to creating and maintaining stellar teams.