We must be the change we want to see in the world. We can see and feel it and help each other to create it.

Our outer world is a reflection of our inner world. When we change ourselves, when we bring more of our authentic, worthy, self-confident selves to the table, we can move mountains and support others to do the same. We are all interconnected.

The key is to start with our inner landscape and make positive changes there. This can feel challenging, and that’s okay. Anything worth having is worth fighting for.

We have been warriors for a long time. It takes courage to be true to ourselves and advocates for change. It takes courage to let go of what hasn’t been working and keep stepping forward.

We don’t have a shortage of courage. We just need the right tools and support to be and do our best, and that includes letting go of the need to be perfect or living our lives based upon the opinions and expectations of others.

When we know what we are moving towards and keep stepping, that’s when the magic happens!

Here’s two simple, life-changing tools that you can apply today, to change how you feel, full stop, as you do what needs to be done.

Key #1: Breath Work to Let Go

What happens when you feel stressed? When you just remember a deadline due tomorrow? When the school calls because your child is sick and it’s the worst possible time?

Here’s what happens: Fight or flight breathing – short shallow breaths.   Which results in feeling anxious and overwhelmed.

Breath Work can turn this around, can signal to our body to relax, release, soften and let go.  Simply breathe in through the nose and out through the nose, allowing the out breath to be longer than the in breath. 

We need to breathe to stay alive, so we can practice this calming breathing technique wherever we are.

Key #2: Eat That Frog

Thanks Brian Tracy. He wrote the book by this title, and it changed my life.

Eat That Frog is simple and easy to apply. Are you ready to stop procrastinating (e.g., Ugh, I wish that would go away) and do what needs to be done with calm assurance, grace, ease, and flow.

Sound too good to be true? It’s not. It’s just practical, common sense.

What does Eat That Frog mean? It means that you 'eat' the biggest, ugliest, slimiest frog in your in-tray at the beginning of each day. You don’t set it aside until later. You handle it first.

If there’s a phone call you need to make that you wish was already over, make that call before you do anything else.

If you need to prepare for it, do it. If you need to consider how to best handle the conversation, make a few notes. Then take a few deep breaths and make the call.

And, if necessary and prudent, follow up with written confirmation as to the content and agreed up action(s) or what next discussed in the call.

If there’s a report you need to prepare or a document you need to write, breath, get yourself in a calm, centered space, do the research, write down some notes or an outline, ask for inspiration, and just do it!

Then what? Pat yourself on the back and acknowledge yourself. You’ve just eaten the biggest, ugliest, slimiest frog. You didn’t procrastinate or wait until the last minute. Congratulations!

Now, tell yourself that anything else you do today is icing on the cake. It will be nice to accomplish, but it’s not necessary. You did what absolutely had to be done.

With this attitude, and the relief you feel because that frog is not hanging over your head, and conscious connected breathing is there to help you when you need it, life can start to feel remarkably different.

It's like resetting your internal clock to inner calm.

And that helps you to feel more confident and capable because you are connecting with a more relaxed and calm state of being.

AND it’s inside of you, so you are not looking for anyone or anything else to make it better . . . that’s empowering . . . and, from this relaxed and calm place, you are not trying to get anywhere, you are enjoying the process, the present moment of your life.

It’s like one ripple in the pond is breathing to clear yourself of negativity and relax and the second ripple is stepping towards what you previously would avoid or put off, and handling it in a creative, user-friendly way.

These ripples are cumulative.

The more you practice breath work and 'Eat that Frog', the more they become a part of who you are, the more you turn the tide toward what you would like to experience, the more you appreciate and enjoy your life.

How to Navigate Difficult Conversations Without Damaging Relationships in a Law Firm

In a law firm, relationships are everything—and also where the greatest tensions can arise. High stakes, competing priorities, billable pressures, and strong personalities create a perfect environment for difficult conversations. Yet the firms that thrive are not those that avoid these conversations, but those that know how to have them well.

Whether it’s partner to partner, managing partner to partner, partner to associate, or attorney to client, the ability to navigate tension with clarity and respect is a defining leadership skill.

1. Start with Intent, Not Emotion

Difficult conversations often go wrong before they even begin. Why? Because they are fueled by frustration, assumptions, or the need to “win.”

Instead, anchor yourself in intention:

• What outcome do I want for the relationship?

• What outcome do I want for the firm or client?

• What would success look like here?

When your intention is grounded in resolution rather than reaction, your tone, language, and presence shift immediately.

2. Address Issues Early—Before They Calcify

Avoidance is costly in law firms. What starts as a small misalignment between partners can quietly evolve into mistrust. An associate who isn’t given feedback early may repeat mistakes that become harder to correct later.

Address issues when they are still manageable:

• When expectations are unclear

• When communication feels off

• When performance begins to slip

Timely conversations are almost always easier—and more effective—than delayed ones.

3. Separate the Person from the Problem

One of the most powerful shifts in difficult conversations is moving from personal judgment to shared problem-solving.

Instead of:

• “You’re not being responsive”
  Try:

• “I’ve noticed delays in communication, and I’d like us to find a way to stay aligned given client expectations.”

This preserves dignity while still addressing the issue directly.

4. Lead with Curiosity, Not Assumption

In law firms, it’s easy to assume intent:

• “They’re being difficult.”

• “They don’t respect my role.”

• “They’re not committed.”

But assumptions close conversations. Curiosity opens them.

Ask:

• “Can you help me understand your perspective?”

• “What’s getting in the way from your side?”

• “How are you seeing this situation?”

Often, what appears as resistance is actually pressure, misalignment, or lack of clarity.

5. Be Direct—and Respectful

Clarity is kindness, especially in legal environments where ambiguity creates risk.

Being direct does not mean being harsh. It means:

• Naming the issue clearly

• Sharing impact without blame

• Being specific about what needs to change

For example:

• With a partner: “We need to align on how we’re staffing this matter so we’re consistent with firm strategy.”

• With an associate: “Your analysis is strong, and we need more precision in how conclusions are communicated to clients.”

• With a client: “I want to ensure expectations are aligned so we can deliver the best outcome possible.”

• And . . . share the specifics, open to comments and suggestions, be genuinely curious.

6. Tailor the Conversation to the Relationship

Partner to Partner
Focus on alignment, shared leadership, and firm impact. Ego must take a back seat to stewardship.

Managing Partner to Partner
Balance authority with respect. Be clear about expectations while reinforcing the partner’s value to the firm.

Partner to Associate
This is where culture is shaped. Feedback should be both honest and developmental. The goal is growth, not correction alone.

Attorney to Client
Transparency builds trust. Clients value clarity—even when the message is difficult—over vague reassurance. 

Clarity is what you are doing, what you are going to do, the strengths and weaknesses of the case, what you need from them and when, and whatever else you feel is a priority to share (i.e. time constraints, personality of opposing counsel, temperament of the judge, and so on)

7. Regulate Before You Communicate

If emotions are high, pause. Not to avoid—but to lead.

Ask yourself:

• Am I grounded enough to have this conversation productively?

• What tone do I want to bring into the room?

And . . . Take some DEEP breaths - in through the nose, out through the mouth - and let it all go - the tension, angst - whatever needs to be tabled and released to support the result.

A regulated presence often determines whether a conversation escalates or resolves.

8. Close with Alignment and Next Steps

Too many difficult conversations end without clarity.

Before closing, ensure:

• Shared understanding of the issue

• Agreement on next steps

• Clarity on roles and expectations moving forward

This turns conversation into action.

The Bottom Line

Difficult conversations, when handled well, do not damage relationships—they strengthen them.

In a law firm, where trust, reputation, and collaboration are essential, the ability to communicate with clarity, composure, and intention is not optional. It is a leadership imperative.

The question is not whether difficult conversations will arise.
The question is whether they will be avoided—or led.

What makes a team effective and stellar?

Over two years Google conducted 200+ interviews with its employees and looked at more than 250 attributes of 180+ active Google teams for the purpose of understanding team effectiveness. They wanted to replicate the attributes of their best performing teams throughout the company.

Google started their research with a bias. They thought that they would find that the perfect mix of people (i.e., the ‘magical algorithm’) would be a Rhodes Scholar, several extroverts, a PHD, and an engineer with top code writing skills.

BUT they were wrong.  They found that who is on a team is not nearly as important as how team members interact, work together and see their individual contributions.

Google found five keys that set successful teams heads and shoulders above the rest:

Psychological safety

Dependability

Structure & clarity

Meaning of work

Impact of work

Each member of the team

Feels safe to take risks, safe to be vulnerable. Gets things done on time, takes pride in their work and does their best.

Has clear roles, plans and goals, is aware of the big picture and plays their part.

Finds meaning in their work; it's personally important to them.

Believes that what they are doing matters and will make a difference.

Here's what really surprised Google was that psychological safety was by far the most important dynamic underpinning success. Feeling safe to take risks around others on the team is critical.

People feel safe to clarify a goal if they aren't sure exactly what is expected of them and others.  They don't worry about sounding like an idiot because it's okay not to know something - no big deal, just ask.  No one is going to think you are incompetent, unaware, or out of the loop.

That's huge.  Communication can be tricky.  

Be open, and don't assume you've got this covered!  Sometimes we need to slow down and not talk so fast. And it's never a good idea to assume that someone understands what we are saying.  We need to check in - What is their understanding?  What questions or concerns are coming up for them?

It's really important to be patient and understanding.  What is second nature to us can feel daunting and huge to someone else.

On the flip side, have you ever been a part of a team where there's backstabbing and secrecy. It's very stressful.

When we feel safe, we are more likely to partner with our teammates, more likely to find creative solutions, more likely to be make money in a way that feels deeply satisfying.

When we feel safe, being a part of a team feels exciting and positive, working together as dynamic, cohesive whole.  Feeling safe, creating that feeling of safely, is a top-down thing.  If you're at the top, you set the tone, the rules, the structure; you design the playing field.

What could you do differently? Where are there cracks or leaks or things that just aren't working?

Feeling safe if you're in the middle, that's tricky.  Can you help to change a system that's negatively impacting on your integrity and health, that might be salvageable; or do you need to move on?

There's a lot to psychological safety.  It's so much more than a buzz word.  It's a key to creating and maintaining stellar teams.

Whether you are the head of a division, are an officer or run your own company . . . being a good leader is probably important to you.

Leadership is so much more than regular performance evaluations and making sure that projects are completed on time. It’s about getting to know and fully utilizing the strengths, talents, gifts, and skills of the people under your charge and care.

Yes, the team’s success is your success. But it’s no longer just about you, it’s a ‘we’ thing, something you create together. Team members can raise each other up and be so much more together than they could be working alone.

And one bad apple can spoil the bunch. So,

How do you raise your team up?

How do you inspire and motivate them to be and do their best?

How do you help them to work together in harmony and unity?

Key 1: It’s not about you!

First, get out of the way and focus on your team.  Pulling together a great team is like learning to pay the guitar. At first it takes a lot of time, hours of practice. It’s always on your mind; you think, visualize and dream about playing the guitar until it becomes a part of who you are.  So it is with your team, it takes time, energy, focus and attention to get it running smoothly and to keep it going after that.

Key 2: Capitalize on untapped strengths and abilities.

You must discover each person’s strengths, talents, gifts, and skills so you can put them to good use.  How do you do this? Keep it simple. Ask open-ended questions and be genuinely curious. Be fully present and really listen to and take in what they share, noticing what they don’t say, as well.

You can send out a questionnaire and then meet with each person to talk about what they’ve shared. If you are don’t have the time or feel that a neutral professional, like a coach, would work better then hire one.

You can ask them questions:

What skills or abilities do you have that could help the team?

What are you really good at or love to do that we are not taking advantage of?

What responsibilities do you like the least? Which ones do you enjoy the most?

What do you need to succeed that you’re not getting?

Then what? If some people could use a mentor, match them with one. If some people need further training, get it for them, if possible. If some changes need to happen within the team, collaborate with your team members and make it so.

Key 3: Be Available & Hold People Accountable

Be available. That’s what your people need, not endless meetings with lots of questions to answer.  Get to know your people. Don’t smother or micro-manage them. Just treat everyone with dignity and respect; appreciate and be grateful for what everyone brings to the mix.

Hold you team collectively and individually accountable. You can do this by being a responsible, dependable, trustworthy leader.

Your people need to know that if they make a mistake, they can come to you to find a solution.  Support them. Don’t expect or demand perfection. Give them room to be creative, to bring their inspiration and uniqueness to the group, making sure they feel safe to speak up.

Remember to be adaptable.  Change is constant and inevitable. Be humble.  Know your strengths, don’t flaunt them.  Know your weakness and work on raising them up. 

Be willing to learn and grow from others; that makes you accessible, real and accountable, someone people like to be around.