I attended a networking educational event recently, which is not my favorite activity. 

Why? Most people are so intent on getting business that they feel rushed and anxious, hoping to make the right connection, land the new, fantastic client, experience a major shift in their financial status.

It reminds me of watching old movies or television shows.

On Netflix, I recently watched a few episodes of The Dick Van Dyke Show, considered one of those television classics, a weekly show that ran from 1961 – 1966.

I felt drawn to watch a few episodes and every scene felt endless, so different from the pace of today’s world. I felt myself just wanting to know how everything turned out instead of enjoying the lightness, comedy and drama of it all.

I found myself wondering, back to networking, how we can enjoy more moments of our business that involves connecting with clients and potential clients, finding those experiences more enjoyable, as a process, instead of hoping to get to the punch line (more business) as soon as possible. 

Anxiety is fear and pushes away what we want to accomplish. People can feel our hurriedness and the pressure we are putting on ourselves, and that’s not good for business.

I decided to change my mindset; choose a new attitude; just be genuinely curious, and it worked. More enjoyment of networking events. More relaxed and in the moment. More of a positive magnet to create what I am aligning to in life.

It’s simple. See if this works for you. Simply focus on engaging with one person, wherever you are, and having a meaningful conversation. What are her interests? Hobbies? Recent adventures? Obstacles in her life?

Listen. Ask a few questions. Give them your undivided attention. Be genuinely curious. Get their contact information if that feels appropriate; you can send her something later.

This is such a gift we can give to people, the gift of being heard, the gift of someone not checking their cell phone for messages or texting, the gift of having someone just listening to us.

And it takes the stress away because we stop worrying about results.  Results happen over time, when we follow up, see them again (or not . . . that’s life!)

Like the Dick Van Dyke Show, the laughter and connections build over time.  One step, one breath, one moment at a time, so we can enjoy those ‘boring’ meetings and get-togethers and be more of the genuine superstar marketer, authentic, real and caring, who we already are inside!

There are only two ways to influence human behavior: love and fear.  With love, we inspire people to buy our products or services. With fear, we manipulate them. 

Businesses, political groups etc. easily resort to manipulation. Manipulation techniques work in the short-term. But, they do not breed loyalty and the gains are not long lasting.

With manipulation, our products or services become a commodity. We try to get people to buy by:

offering cash back

slashing the price

adding new features

running promotions

We use strategies like

peer pressure

aspirational advertising

fear-based advertising

When we drop our prices low enough or offer promotions like buy one get one free or two for the price of one, people buy from us. But at what cost?

Slashing prices and running promotions are not good for business. Clients expect a bargain and wait for sales to avoid paying full price. The cash-back or rebate business can be deceptive. Some sellers have so many conditions attached to their rebates that a lot of buyers pay full price. They either fail to follow complex rebate instructions or encounter a loophole that precludes them from participating.

Novelty items like a new flavor of toothpaste or a new feature on an existing product can also drive sales.  Again, this is temporary. It doesn't last.

Peer pressure advertisements include:

celebrity endorsements

professional endorsements: 4 out of 5 dentists prefer Trident; a double-blind study at a top university concluded that . . .

don't-miss-out advertisements: with over a million satisfied customers and counting . . . 75% of your competitors are using our service, why aren’t you?

Fear-based messages motivate us to move away from something.

L’Oreal’s tag line of “Because I’m Worth It” targets self-loathing in women.

FedEx’s “Absolutely, Positively Overnight” addresses our fear of missing a deadline.

Nike’s “Just Do It” capitalizes on our fear of missing out.

Aspirational messages tempt us with something we want and are afraid we can’t get.

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Manipulation creates massive stress for buyers and sellers alike. When there are conflicting advertisements and many brands to choose from, buyers can’t tell which one is best for them and feel stressed.  The competition to continually produce new and improved brands is hard work. The long-term effects of making short-term decisions are lower profit margins and higher stress levels in business.

Stress is the silent killer.  With stress, cortisol is released into our system which increases blood pressure, decreases cognitive ability, increases aggression and selfish behavior and makes us more vulnerable to disease. 

Employees filled with cortisol are less productive, innovative and reliable.  Consumers in cortisol fight-or-flight mode want to feel better.  Being manipulated to buy your company's product or service may give them temporary relief, but that doesn't equate to long-term loyalty or commitment to your what you offer.

Using manipulation as a means to an end is negatively affecting our health and wellbeing on many levels.  It is the anthesis to success.  How can we influence human behavior with love?  Love is the answer.