Welcome to What Makes a Good Coach Part 6:  Loving the Truth & Biases

As Coaches, we can see people, situations and events in a way that obstructs the truth and blocks our inner knowing. Just like the rest of humanity, we can have conscious and unconscious biases.

As good coaches, we explore our inner world and acknowledge our biases.  We review our coaching sessions to uncover skewed ways of seeing clients and their concerns, and discover better, clearer, brighter ways of handling whatever they bring to the table.

When we acknowledge any bias, opinion or judgment, we welcome in more self-acceptance; we strengthen our courage muscle so that seeing and knowing any Truth is better than hiding under a rock and playing small.

Self-reflection and going within enables us to accept our clients where they are at, no matter how they see themselves, their lives, and the world around them. 

As we more deeply care for ourselves and accept ourselves, so are we able to bring that presence of deep self-acceptance to our clients.

As good coaches, we know that we are always a work in progress, and make it a habit, a way of life of being curious and open to discovering our blind spots, what needs to be acknowledged, felt and released; what needs to be dissolved and let go.

We are not attached to our clients ‘getting’ something, having an epiphany, making a change or being different. 

We hold an open, expansive, unconditionally loving space for anything to happen, from life-changing realizations to blockages that seem insurmountable in the moment. 

All experiences and feelings are welcome.

As good coaches, we allow the Truth to be revealed in any way that helps us best serve the clients and people in our care.

We welcome the Truth, ask to be shown the Truth, ask to be shown when we’ve gone down a rabbit hole, ask to be shown when we’re being closed-minded, when we're hiding behind a wall of illusion.

We are aware that biases can be a minefield, hiding in plain sight; that uncovering what does not serve is a lifetime process; that there are always more patterns and programs that block or diminish the unconditionally loving, coaching presence that we aspire to be; that there are no shortcuts, only an ever-open inquiring heart and mind and the ability to face, feel, and transmute into love whatever dark and fearful bits rise to top.

As good coaches, we hold the ideal for our clients without desiring any particular outcome.  To do so could cloud or block where our clients need to go. 

We have an expanding worldview, a way of seeing and experiencing life and the world around us that is greater than anything we could concoct in our heads, and we help our clients acknowledge their worldview and explore ways of making their dreams and goals a reality so that their limiting beliefs can fall by the wayside too.

We show up authentic, real, and true, knowing who we are, what we bring to the world and who we aspire to be. 

There are no masks, no posturing or grandstanding, no clinging to any ways of being, no coveting any role. 

We love being of service, giving back, helping others; we enjoy learning and growing, no matter how confronting that may feel in the moment.

The joy and wonder of life wins out over playing small and staying the same; the adventure of being alive, having victories and making mistakes wins out over any embarrassment of being wrong, of having biases that were previously veiled and unknown being uncovered and dissolved in the light of Truth.

We affirm:  I love the Truth, Please show me the Truth, I choose to know the Truth. 

We Love and accept ourselves and our clients. 

We acknowledge "This is who I am, and this is where I am at." 

We hold the ideal for the highest good of all concerned.

We choose to be powerfully loving and allow love to restore the balance.

Confronting Difficult Issues Constructively

Welcome to What Makes a Good Coach, Part 5: Loving Confront

Good coaches know that there is a time and place to lovingly confront the client, to bring to the client's attention something they have been refusing to acknowledge or see, to bring to the client's attention what's been blocking resolution of an aspiration or goal that they've brought to table.

Good coaches know that the expansive, unconditionally supportive coaching presence that they hold opens doors for the client to explore and resolve what the client has been unable or unwilling to turn around and see.

This loving confront takes courage, empathy, conviction and a deep willingness to serve, which all good coaches share.  We desire to serve our clients, to walk alongside them in a way that facilitates new realizations and inspirations and positive steps forward.

Good coaches know how to lovingly confront their clients with something they are missing, avoiding, denying or pretending doesn't exist.

For example, a client may defer to the people at work, be a doormat and agree to take on more work than they can handle.  At home, the client may be strict, controlling and unreasonable with their children, like the tyrant they succumb to at work.

The client may be unaware that their behavior is driving away the people that are closest to them, that the client truly loves and things will never leave her, no matter the depth of her behavior.

When there's something that's obvious and profound that the client doesn't see, it can help for the coach to name it so that the client can decide 'Where to from here?'

Then, it's up to the client to welcome or dismiss the coach's sharing as relevant or irrelevant to their life and their goals.

For good coaches, however the client decides to work or not work with what's on offer is fine.  They know that no matter what, all will unfold for the client in diving timing and diving order.

And. . .

Learning to name difficult truths with compassion is a core leadership capacity - for attorneys, professionals and executives alike.  These moments often call for refined communication and negotiation skills - skills that certified coaches can impart and often lead to constructive change.

The skills and abilities that make a professional certified coach can help attorneys, professionals and executives finesse difficult clients, ease difficulties, and create better outcomes for all concerned. 

 

 

Welcome to What Makes a Good Coach, Part 4: Active & Empathic Listening.

A good coach listens actively with an open mind and an open heart.

Active listening is about being tuned into the client, not only what is said but what is not said; what is shared and what is ignored, forgotten, or hidden. 

What is avoided, denied, or not yet known or acknowledged consciously is often about the elephant in the room, the true crux that is underlying what the client is bringing to the table; the real thing that needs to be recognized and explored to let go of what’s not working and stepping forward towards their goals.

A good coach listens empathically.

Empathic listening is listening from the heart; it’s listening with and ear and an eye to what the client is feeling and experiencing; it’s about becoming aware of what the client is experiencing and where they want and need to go to move forward, to accomplish what they’ve brought to the table.

There is no judgment in empathic listening; there is an open, expansive space within the coach that is held for the client so that there is depth and breadth to explore. 

There is a curiosity in empathic listening; wondering what’s blocking or impeding the client from creating their desired future and holding an open-hearted space where anything and everything is possible for the client.

As an active and empathic listener, a good coach uses the client ‘s metaphors, key words and phrases to help the client experience a new knowing, a path forward into the new.

She listens for key words and phrases her client uses and incorporates them into the conversation.  If they say that they want to take a deep dive into something, she’ll play with that metaphor: “Where are you now with that deep dive?” “How deep is your dive at the moment?” “How do you want your deep dive to look by the end of our time together?”

A good coach uses what her client shares to literally dive deeper.  She knows that using her words or phrases could build walls, while using the client’s words and phrases builds bridges. 

She feels and understands the power of the spoken word and unspoken word and is grateful and excited to partner with her client for the highest good of all concerned.

Welcome to What Makes a Good Coach Part 3:

Offering Comments, Ideas and Inspirations

A good coach doesn’t just ask questions.

That could feel invasive to our clients to simply be asked one question after another, leaving no space to breathe and be with the session, with the topic, goal, or situation they’ve brought to explore, go deeper and come out different, more self-assured, with a clearer, brighter way forward on the other side. 

Hence, a good coach knows how to offer something of herself to sessions in a way that helps her client move forward positively and with a greater knowing of where to from here.

So enjoy Part 3:

A good coach knows how to offer comments, ideas, and inspirations without attachment. 

She offers them in good faith from the heart. 

Whether her client accepts or rejects them is not important. If they take something she shares on board, great; if not, also great.  Her offering is simply an offering. 

She takes nothing personally.  It’s not about her. It’s about what resonates with the client from their perspective. 

Making offerings without attachment ties into holding a judgment-free zone for her client.  She’s not invested in her client seeing things her way.  She’s not invested in any particular outcome. 

She lets go of the reigns, partners with her client and allows their time together to organically unfold.