Welcome to What Makes a Good Coach, Part 4: Active & Empathic Listening.

A good coach listens actively with an open mind and an open heart.

Active listening is about being tuned into the client, not only what is said but what is not said; what is shared and what is ignored, forgotten, or hidden. 

What is avoided, denied, or not yet known or acknowledged consciously is often about the elephant in the room, the true crux that is underlying what the client is bringing to the table; the real thing that needs to be recognized and explored to let go of what’s not working and stepping forward towards their goals.

A good coach listens empathically.

Empathic listening is listening from the heart; it’s listening with and ear and an eye to what the client is feeling and experiencing; it’s about becoming aware of what the client is experiencing and where they want and need to go to move forward, to accomplish what they’ve brought to the table.

There is no judgment in empathic listening; there is an open, expansive space within the coach that is held for the client so that there is depth and breadth to explore. 

There is a curiosity in empathic listening; wondering what’s blocking or impeding the client from creating their desired future and holding an open-hearted space where anything and everything is possible for the client.

As an active and empathic listener, a good coach uses the client ‘s metaphors, key words and phrases to help the client experience a new knowing, a path forward into the new.

She listens for key words and phrases her client uses and incorporates them into the conversation.  If they say that they want to take a deep dive into something, she’ll play with that metaphor: “Where are you now with that deep dive?” “How deep is your dive at the moment?” “How do you want your deep dive to look by the end of our time together?”

A good coach uses what her client shares to literally dive deeper.  She knows that using her words or phrases could build walls, while using the client’s words and phrases builds bridges. 

She feels and understands the power of the spoken word and unspoken word and is grateful and excited to partner with her client for the highest good of all concerned.

Welcome to What Makes a Good Coach Part 3:

Offering Comments, Ideas and Inspirations

A good coach doesn’t just ask questions.

That could feel invasive to our clients to simply be asked one question after another, leaving no space to breathe and be with the session, with the topic, goal, or situation they’ve brought to explore, go deeper and come out different, more self-assured, with a clearer, brighter way forward on the other side. 

Hence, a good coach knows how to offer something of herself to sessions in a way that helps her client move forward positively and with a greater knowing of where to from here.

So enjoy Part 3:

A good coach knows how to offer comments, ideas, and inspirations without attachment. 

She offers them in good faith from the heart. 

Whether her client accepts or rejects them is not important. If they take something she shares on board, great; if not, also great.  Her offering is simply an offering. 

She takes nothing personally.  It’s not about her. It’s about what resonates with the client from their perspective. 

Making offerings without attachment ties into holding a judgment-free zone for her client.  She’s not invested in her client seeing things her way.  She’s not invested in any particular outcome. 

She lets go of the reigns, partners with her client and allows their time together to organically unfold.

Welcome to Part 2 of What Makes a Good Coach. 

As coaches, not only are we holding an expansive space of unconditional positive regard, unconditional love for our clients, we are also holding a space that has absolutely no judgment, a judgment free zone, a space free of opinions of what our clients should or should not do, how they should or shouldn't be. In fact, this space is one of what could be, all the possibilities open to her.

So here goes:

A good coach holds a judgment-free space for her client. 

No matter what her client says or does, she doesn’t have an opinion about it. 

She doesn’t think that what her client is doing or saying is right or wrong, good or bad.  She listens intently to best serve her client, but she neither has nor formulates an agenda for them. 

She knows in her heart of hearts that her client has all the answers inside of them. 

She knows that no matter where they are at or how far they appear to have wandered down a road that does not serve them, in time they will find their way home. 

And that no matter what she could offer as a mentor, consultant or teacher, the realizations they eventually come to and the steps forward they decide to take will be perfect for them in the moment.

I decided to start a writing project, a heartfelt ongoing multi-article sharing about coaching; what I think and feel makes a good coach; there are so many different kinds of coaches, from different modalities of training, with different ways of relating with their clients and the world around them. 

For me, it always comes down to the basics, the foundation of how we live our lives, professionally, personally, and spiritually: Who am I bringing to the world? Is she someone that I would trust? Is she someone that I would open up to?

This first article is about Coaching Presence, the presence that we hold as coaches; this is the heart of coaching. 

And knowing that most people who read my articles are not coaches. I feel that what I share can help you, can be applied in your life no matter what you do. 

The presence that we hold affects who we love, our intimate relationships, our relationship with family and friends; it affects how we are perceived at work and impression that we make, the hearts that we touch, in every aspect of our lives. 

So here goes: What Makes a Good Coach, Part 1 — Coaching Presence.

A good coach is someone who holds an expansive, loving presence. 

She is fully present here now. She is grounded from her heart into the heart of planet. 

She is in this now moment with her client. She is centered in her heart. She is here with her client on all levels — physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. 

She’s not scattered or distracted. 

She is competent, attentive, and curious. 

Everything she says and does is in alignment with what’s best for her client. Her mantra is, “It’s not about me.”

It’s the sacred space that we hold for self and others that opens doors.

That’s it. Short and sweet. I feel that we can make life too complicated, use big words and confuse what we’re trying to express. 

So . . .

It’s about expanding out our energy and taking up more space from the heart. 

It’s about aligning to love and centering in our heart of hearts. 

It’s about being grounded from our heart to the heart of the planet.

It’s about knowing how to work with and interact with others so that they feel heard and understood, so that they feel safe and able to open up and express themselves more fully and deeply. 

It’s about holding a space that is conducive to positive change, that is about nurturing the positive movement forward of ones within our sphere of influence.

When we share simply, in clear, precise language, using words from the heart and not the head, when we share in a way that’s meaningful to us, that inspires us, that’s when I believe the magic happens.