Welcome to Part 2 of What Makes a Good Coach. 

As coaches, not only are we holding an expansive space of unconditional positive regard, unconditional love for our clients, we are also holding a space that has absolutely no judgment, a judgment free zone, a space free of opinions of what our clients should or should not do, how they should or shouldn't be. In fact, this space is one of what could be, all the possibilities open to her.

So here goes:

A good coach holds a judgment-free space for her client. 

No matter what her client says or does, she doesn’t have an opinion about it. 

She doesn’t think that what her client is doing or saying is right or wrong, good or bad.  She listens intently to best serve her client, but she neither has nor formulates an agenda for them. 

She knows in her heart of hearts that her client has all the answers inside of them. 

She knows that no matter where they are at or how far they appear to have wandered down a road that does not serve them, in time they will find their way home. 

And that no matter what she could offer as a mentor, consultant or teacher, the realizations they eventually come to and the steps forward they decide to take will be perfect for them in the moment.

I decided to start a writing project, a heartfelt ongoing multi-article sharing about coaching; what I think and feel makes a good coach; there are so many different kinds of coaches, from different modalities of training, with different ways of relating with their clients and the world around them. 

For me, it always comes down to the basics, the foundation of how we live our lives, professionally, personally, and spiritually: Who am I bringing to the world? Is she someone that I would trust? Is she someone that I would open up to?

This first article is about Coaching Presence, the presence that we hold as coaches; this is the heart of coaching. 

And knowing that most people who read my articles are not coaches. I feel that what I share can help you, can be applied in your life no matter what you do. 

The presence that we hold affects who we love, our intimate relationships, our relationship with family and friends; it affects how we are perceived at work and impression that we make, the hearts that we touch, in every aspect of our lives. 

So here goes: What Makes a Good Coach, Part 1 — Coaching Presence.

A good coach is someone who holds an expansive, loving presence. 

She is fully present here now. She is grounded from her heart into the heart of planet. 

She is in this now moment with her client. She is centered in her heart. She is here with her client on all levels — physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. 

She’s not scattered or distracted. 

She is competent, attentive, and curious. 

Everything she says and does is in alignment with what’s best for her client. Her mantra is, “It’s not about me.”

It’s the sacred space that we hold for self and others that opens doors.

That’s it. Short and sweet. I feel that we can make life too complicated, use big words and confuse what we’re trying to express. 

So . . .

It’s about expanding out our energy and taking up more space from the heart. 

It’s about aligning to love and centering in our heart of hearts. 

It’s about being grounded from our heart to the heart of the planet.

It’s about knowing how to work with and interact with others so that they feel heard and understood, so that they feel safe and able to open up and express themselves more fully and deeply. 

It’s about holding a space that is conducive to positive change, that is about nurturing the positive movement forward of ones within our sphere of influence.

When we share simply, in clear, precise language, using words from the heart and not the head, when we share in a way that’s meaningful to us, that inspires us, that’s when I believe the magic happens.

When we are stressed and have a lot on our plate, sometimes the last thing we want to do is engage in a daily mindfulness practice.

We tell ourselves that we don’t have the time or can’t do it. We come up with lots of reasons why not.

What we focus on is what we get more of in our lives. So, let’s focus on what it’s like to be mindful and feel the benefits of our mindfulness practice.

If you don’t have a daily mindfulness practice or haven’t been engaging with your Mindfulness App, don't stress.  There are simple tools that you can engage with to minimize stress and feel more content.

BREATHE

Breath work reduces stress and is a vital part of any mindfulness routine. Here are three breathing techniques to help you release, relax, and let go:

#1. Breathe in through the nose and out through the nose with the out-breath longer than the in-breath. 

Listen to music that you love or anything that you find calming and supportive as you breathe.

#2. Breathe in through the nose and out through the nose with no pause between the in-breath and the out-breath. 

You breathe in through your nose until your lungs are almost full and out through your nose until your lungs are almost empty.

Weather permitting, you can breathe sitting outside, connecting with nature and allowing yourself to feel grounded into the earth and fully present here now.

#3. Breath in through the nose and hold your breath for a moment. Breathe out through the mouth and hold your breath for a moment. 

You can count to five breathing in through the nose, hold for four, and count to five breathing out of the mouth, hold for four. 

Next, breathe in through your high heart or heart chakra, filling yourself with love, and breathe out feeling yourself expand and ground into the planet.

Practice these breathing techniques for three minutes or more every day. You can focus on one, two, or all of them, whatever feels right to you.

Breathing helps you:

to switch from fight or flight to rest and relax mode.

to feel calm and able to handle whatever life presents.

to let go of what's been causing you to contract and play small.

to have more space to be your best self.

HAVE FUN & LAUGH

Laughter is literally the best medicine. 

When you have a good heartfelt laugh, something naturally releases.  You feel lighter, clearer, and brighter, like you’ve dropped a heavy load. 

Need help?

Try Laughter Yoga; there are laughter yoga groups all around the world.

Watch funny videos on YouTube by standup comedians.

Watch movies and TV shows and series that are comedies.  There’s a wide variety on Netflix, Amazon Prime, and many other platforms.

Hang out with friends who bring lightness and joy to your life.

Engage in hobbies that promote feelings of well-being, like gardening, listening to upbeat music, and dancing. 

Make it a priority to find ways and time to laugh and feel better about yourself and life.

MAINTAIN HEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS

Healthy relationships help you to enjoy a love-filled life, and focus on what uplifts you and the way you see and experience the world.

Here are some tips for maintaining healthy relationships:

#1. Be compassionate and empathetic with the people you love and care about. 

Be affectionate.  Say kind and supportive things. Share a good, heartfelt hug.  

Be grateful for and appreciative of your family, friends, and partner. Allow them to express love, appreciation, and gratitude for you. Love is enhanced when we are both giving and receiving.

#2. If something happens to disrupt a healthy, loving relationship like an argument or disagreement, breathe and review what happened.

How did you contribute to the interaction, if at all?  What could you do differently next time if something similar arises?  

Visualize a new loving healthy reality where there was once strife.

How does it look and feel?

What did you clear and release to get there?

How do you feel inside now?

Once you have released the charge, have a conversation. Share how you feel.  Apologize and make amends if need be. Always ask yourself: What would love do now? How may I best serve?

We can only control ourselves. What our partner, family or friends do is up to them.

And some people and groups are toxic and do not belong in our lives. The relationship is neither healthy nor supportive and needs to end. It’s important to love ourselves enough to terminate toxic relationships, review why we manifested them, and what we’ve learned from the experience.

Focus on your re-choosing:  attracting and enjoying healthy relationships. And take action on the ground, one step forward at a time, to make it so.

PETS

Our pets can be a great source of comfort and companionship. They bring us laughter and joy. Be grateful for the pets in your life and have graced your life. What are some memories that touch your heart, moments that you cherish and make you smile?

Even if you don’t have pets, remember interactions with the animal kingdom you enjoyed, such as horseback riding, swimming with dolphins, and whale watching.  

Remember what you love and cherish about our beautiful animal kingdom.

ACCEPT YOURSELF AS YOU ARE

How you feel about yourself is a choice. Everyone makes mistakes. The key is to see your mistakes as an opportunity to learn and grow. 

What could you do differently next time when a similar situation arises? How will that look and feel?

No matter what’s going on in your life, you can love and accept yourself as you are, warts and all. You have strengths and weaknesses. You have bits that are shiny and bright and bits that are not. 

Everyone does.  No one is perfect.

Sometimes you need to adopt new habits because what you’ve been doing no longer works. Sometimes you need to forgive others and accept where they are at.  That takes courage and self-determination.

Some ways that you can nurture your feeling of acceptance are:

#1. Choosing to coach yourself positively, to be an inner coach instead of an inner critic.  This means championing yourself, talking to and supporting yourself the same way you would a dear friend.

#2. Working with affirmations, such as: I am worthy of love. I am worthy of success. I am choosing to love and accept myself as I am. 

#3. Visualizing success, for example: Taking time each day to see yourself taking steps forward, achieving goals, being positive and loving, and doing things that make your heart sing.

EMBRACE SPIRITUALITY

It’s uplifting to embrace your spirituality, having faith and trust that what will eventuate is love. Faith and trust are sacred qualities that uplift and support you to be your best.

Support your faith and trust with affirmations, mindfulness, and meditation. 

Affirm: I love and accept myself as I am. 

Breathe and bring more love and acceptance into your life. Breathe and welcome more joy and laughter into your life. Breathe and let go of what’s not serving you. Breathe, and be with people who enhance your life and support your evolution and growth.

Spend time loving yourself. 

If you have trouble loving yourself, pick someone you love and feel yourself loving them. You couldn’t love them unless you already love yourself; so, transfer that love to yourself. Feel the love, and allow your self-love to blossom and grow.

Keeping it Simple

Breathwork, Laughter, Healthy Relationships, Pets, Acceptance, and Spirituality are mindfulness skills, tools, and ways of Being that bring peace and calm assurance into your life; and help you feel more capable and secure, loved and loving.

Keep it simple.  Acknowledge every success, no matter how small.  Celebrate milestones.  Record positive changes and be patient and kind with yourself as you evolve and grow.

At times, the road may be rocky.  Life may throw you a few curve balls, and your mindfulness practice may not seem to work.  Keep going.  Keep practicing and applying yourself.  Never give up.  Breathe and keep coming back to your heart.  

Mindfulness is not just a series of practices, it’s a way of Being that, with daily engagement, becomes an intrinsic part of who you are.

Like children, we all need time outs. Time to be by ourselves and with our feelings.  Time to ponder our actions and how kind and caring we’ve been, where we need to pick up our game, be a better friend to ourselves, and apologize for giving into guilt and shame and buying into stories that only serve to bring us down.

When we were children, timeouts were mandated as punishments:

"Go to your room. Think about what you have done.

Wait till your father gets home. What’s the matter with you?"

Now we can upgrade our timeouts to a welcomed respite from the rest of the world, to spend time in nature or in a place that exudes peace, a loving sanctuary where no one judges us, including ourselves.

The internet, computer screens, and cell phones sap our energy. 

Whatever happened to live conversations, getting to know each other, and hanging out?  Whatever happened to a quiet time when nothing much was happening, spending time reading a book, just hanging out?

Sometimes when we have still moments, we don’t know what to do with ourselves. 

The world has quieted down but we’re still spinning, our mind is running at warp speed and our resting pulse feels like it’s running a 10K. 

We need to retrain our bodies, minds, and emotions to deactivate hyperdrive, breathe deeply, and be with ourselves.

It’s not rocket science. It’s common sense from the heart.  Overstimulation is impacting our health, disconnecting us from nature, and impacting our ability to give and receive love.  Less is more.

Going from 75 mph to 40 could tax our patience, leading to irritability and a ‘let’s go, let’s go already!” mentality.  And slowing down from warp to docking speed could be our time to breathe out, be grateful for the journey, and feel into the learning, what we’ve learned, and how we’ve grown. 

It’s our perspective and attitude that matters.  It’s our outlook on life that helps to set the table for what comes next. 

If you were to schedule your next timeout, where would you go? How would it be? 

Part of the wonder of timeouts is planning and visualizing the journey. 

What will I do?

How will it be to slow down, ponder, journal, and reflect?

How can I bring myself with calm assurance?

How can I arrive with generosity of spirit in my heart?

There is no ‘getting there’. We will always be a work in progress no matter how much we wake up to our hearts’ knowing. No matter how much we evolve and grow.

Timeouts are intermezzos, the sorbet that cleanses our palate between the events of our life.

Timeouts give us a fresh start. They help us to close the book where the learning is complete, the lesson is over, we get it, and have integrated it into our hearts.

Timeouts help us to place that book back on the shelf; it's served its purpose, and it's time to let go.

Timeouts give us the space to close the door of the old behind us and walk through that new door that’s been beaconing to us, waiting for us to have the courage and wisdom to know that the new is there for us.

Timeouts are a time for heartfelt gratitude for the learning and growth, for curiosity and a sense of wonder about what comes next, what new adventures are possible.

There’s time and space to be at peace with our mistakes, to drop the judgment, and to love and nurture ourselves.  Time to rediscover ourselves with a thankful heart.

Timeouts are an important part of life. 

And, if the truth be told, we can breathe and be with ourselves every day, welcoming a moment or two or more to invite a timeout into our heart of hearts, to be with ourselves, to love ourselves and the journey, to love life and the gift of being embodied on Planet Earth with an accelerated opportunity to be more, do less and grow.

The more we appreciate these moments, our timeouts, the more we love ourselves enough to make them a part of our lives, the more the universe inside of us opens and we can remember who we are and why we’re here:

I am an aspect of Source.

I am grateful to be here now.

I am choosing to bring love to everything in my life.