Replacing patterns and programs from childhood and beyond that drag our clients down and cause them to contract takes awareness, a commitment to change and lots of and lots of practice with new ways of Being.

It also takes wrapping their loving arms around the bits of them that feel abandoned, rejected, and betrayed, that feel lost and alone.  As the parent to these kids, teens, and younger adults inside of them, they are the ones that have that special formula of love, nurturance, and support to create lasting transformation and positive change.

As a coach, we don’t delve into the past.  We focus on how our clients’ patterns and programs are affecting them now.  For example, if a client believes and espouses that all men will love her intensely and then cheat on her and leave, she may be creating that scenario over and over in her life. 

The Law of Attraction is in part about:  What we focus on is what we create in our lives. 

Holding a loving, supporting coaching presence for our clients to explore such patterns and programs as they are ready to do so is key.  Sometimes, it’s about noticing something that’s happening now, sharing it with the client and handing our intuition or comments back to the client to ponder, accept, reject and/or respond.  Sometimes it’s asking questions that give them the opportunity to delve more deeply into what’s going on for them. 

In any case, we must be mindful not to drop into mentoring, consulting, or counseling as coaches while being fully present, non-judgmental, and engaged with the client without any attachment to where the client lands by the end of our engagement or during any coaching session. 

I’m often amazed that having no attachment to or expectations as to outcomes is where the magic happens.   What I think the client should realize or where I think the client should end up cannot enter into the equation.  This negates their internal compass, which I have been shown time and time again is far superior to anything that I decide in my mind.

This heartfelt mindset and my experiences as a coach has inspired me to share what you may already know from your own coaching experiences. 

How does it resonate with you or not? What could you add to make this sharing more complete?

Communication is key to our success. It's not only what we say, it's how we say it, the feeling behind our body language and words.

You know what it feels like when the person you are talking to is angry, frustrated and unwilling to listen, unwilling to consider your point of view, your input.

Whether we respond or react when talking with difficult or upset people, that's the key to whether open communication is possible. When we respond, you don't buy into their projections or what they are saying; we don't take it personally. This is not always easy. But the truth is that their reaction to us or their projection of their negative feelings at you says everything about them and little, if anything, about us.

It's important to protect ourselves. it's just common sense to shield ourselves from the unkindness or even venom of others. The key is holding an open, non-judgmental space with clear and appropriate boundaries, a space that is open and inviting to share and exchange ideas, while not allowing the negativity and projections affect us.  We send it back to its original source.

Sometimes we just need to walk away.  Some people are so closed, so about getting their point over the goal line, so toxic, that to be in our personal integrity, we must leave. 

And, if we don't judge someone who is difficult or having a bad hair day.  If we simply listen and allow them to vent.  If we just want to know what they are feeling and thinking and why, the whole situation can diffuse; new doors can open and new possibilities; new solutions that you never dreamed were possible of a little while ago are on the table and being discussed. Most people simply need to be acknowledged and heard in order to work things out. Active listening, being fully present with someone, giving them our full attention, asking questions with a genuine curiosity to clarify or learn more is a very rare commodity; if we can do that, we are one in a million.  

Most people are distracted or inattentive when we are trying to communicate with them.  Or they are interrupting us and sharing something about them, to bring the conversation back to them, or to 'prove' that they are right about something and you're 'wrong'. 

So, it's important to watch our attitude.  If we believe that we are right and they are wrong, communication is not possible because we are in lockdown. 

Negotiation, working out agreements or compromises, is one aspect of communication. It can be really fun when we actively listen without judgment; being a good negotiator is also about knowing our bottom line, being really clear on what we'd like to see and how far we are willing to go.  And it's about being open to new ways of getting to our destination.

Negotiating is like a dance; we don't have to agree with someone or follow their lead to actively listen. We simply need to drop all expectations about who they are and what they are going to say, greeting them as if for the very first time.

So, we're building rapport, feeling more affinity with those we work and socialize with, those we live with and love.

No one is an island. We need people we can relate to and people you can count on.  It's not rocket science.  It's how we are built.

So, practice listening, drop the judgment, hold an open inviting space with clear, strong boundaries and let's see how we go, noticing what changes for us. 

Sometimes we have certain areas of our lives that we continue to go around in circles and need guidance to embrace and experience success.

Here's a checklist for success to assist you:

Goals

We can't succeed if we don't know where we're going. Write down and read aloud every day clear, definitive goals, and make sure they are in the present tense. "I am now expanding my client base to more than 500 people that work well with me."

We need to remind ourselves every day what we are working towards and keep taking steps to make it happen.  Every step forward, no matter how small, is a victory beyond measure, to be acknowledged and celebrated a foundation for the new.

Aspire to Greatness

We can't be or do your best if we are willing to settle for less.  We've got to do what it takes to reach our goals, be willing to keep going in the face of setbacks and failures.  Never settling for mediocrity.

Education

If we have the education we need, great.  If we don't, it's something we can overcome.  Lots of people are self-educated.   We don't necessarily need a degree to succeed.

Sometimes we can you learn what we need to know by working with others, finding free teachers on YouTube, taking short courses, attending seminars and webinars. Education is not so much about the knowledge we have acquired, it’s what you do with what you know that counts.

Discipline

We've got to be disciplined to succeed; do what we need, even some small step, every day to move forward and reach our goals.  We must banish negative thoughts, focus on our inner coach, and choose to be worthy of success.  We can choose to step over the line into worthiness every day of our lives.

Health

We can't do what we need to do if we aren't healthy.  It's important to be proactive, eat whole foods when you are hungry, think positive thoughts, get regular exercise, breathe in lots of fresh air, and treat our body with love, care, and respect.  If it's difficult to stay self-motivated, we can find communities, people, and clubs to support us so we can have excellent health together.

Action

Procrastination is poison. Start now.  Don't wait to be perfect.  We can use the skills, tools, support systems, contacts, and know how that we do have to begin. We can get whatever else we need along the way. 

Persistence

We may be a good starter, but a poor finisher.   Don't give up at the first sign of defeat.  Failure dies in the face of persistence.  Never ever give up.  Call forth persistence to keep going 'after the thrill is gone'.  Choose persistence to keep going when obstacles are thrown in your way or boring tasks need to be done.

Personality

Stop being a fault finder.  It's important to listen to what we say and think.  If it's negative, stop and cultivate positivity. Be the kind of person who uplifts and encourages others, who works with others in the spirit of cooperation.  We teach what we most need to learn. Lead by example.

Decision Makers

Make decisions and stick with them.  Being indecisive leads to failure.  We must take a stand to succeed.

Marriage

If our partner doesn’t support us, it’s hard to succeed. The five or six people most important people in our lives significantly affect how we see and experience life.  We are much more likely to succeed if we have the support and encouragement of those around us.  If they are not, they do we want them in our lives?  If they are family, do you need to minimize our contact with them, especially if they are really draining our energy?

Cautious

Be discerning.  Have clear boundaries.  It's important to protect ourselves from fear-based manipulation.  Take chances; that's what successful people do. There are no guarantees in life, so embrace uncertainty.  The only thing that's certain is that everything changes.  Being overly cautious does not support our success.

Business Associates

Choose employers or partners who are inspirational, intelligent, and successful. It's important to surround ourselves with people worth emulating.

Open Mindedness

Keep an open mind.  Unafraid.  Never stop learning and growing. Be tolerant of others.  Don't judge a book by its cover; be open to who people are inside.  Be open to new ideas and new solutions.  Notice when you think you're right and someone else is wrong; it's impossible to learn, grow and be successful when we think you have all the answers.  Choose to be genuinely curious.

Vocation

It's important to love what we do. Settling for something is no guarantee that it will provide us with the safety and security we desire.

Spending

Set money aside every week, financial reserves. Avoid indiscriminate spending. This helps us to be courageous in business and life. 

Enthusiasm

We need to be authentically enthusiastic to be convincing, to get others on board with the products or services we offer. Real enthusiasm is contagious.

Cooperation

Cooperate with others. Build bridges.  Find solutions whenever and wherever possible.

Honesty

Sometimes, we must withhold information or tell a white lie to cause no harm. But most of the time, there is no substitute for honesty. As a general rule, be honest and forthright with kindness and consideration.

Egotism & Vanity

Being egoic and vain are fatal success.  Have a self-centered moment?  Notice it and move back into generosity of spirit.  It's about being and doing our best.  It's important to review our conduct daily and make new choices that support the kind of person we are choosing to be, the kind of person others are drawn to; the kind of person others want to be around; the kind of person that inspires the trust of others.

Homework

It's important to do our homework.  It doesn't pay to guess. Knowing the details and big picture of our business or project and staying away from snap judgments are keys to success.  We can be an informed decision-maker who follows their intuition and heart.

Engaging With Your Checklist for Success

No one is perfect.  We all have strengths and weaknesses.  This list is an ideal tool to ponder where we are now and where we'd like to be 6 months from now.

If we take 10 minutes at end of your day and review how we've gone, the magic begins to happen. We notice where we went well and where we could have done better. We can picture the ideal of how we could handle that situation, project, or interaction differently next time, and feel the difference. 

Rapid progress is possible when we engage in honest self-reflection, with a desire to know the truth and to improve and grow.  As we self-reflect, it's important not to judge ourselves. That keeps us going around in circles and makes us wrong. This is not about right or wrong. This is about knowing that mistakes are opportunities to learn and grow; that we can turn any disaster into a blessing, and even if things went great, there is always a better way, there is always room for learning and growth.  

Reflection is not a chore, it's an opportunity, a blessing we have in our lives.  As we acknowledge what's working and what's not, we can allow change to move through us.  What we judge we become, so we're choosing to focus on the positive. When we focus on the ideal or new ways of doing things; we magnetically attract that to ourselves. 

It's also important to be grateful for the learning and growth, and to accept how we are and what we are choosing to become. Feeling grateful for our realizations and accepting who and how we are right now is vital to our ongoing growth success. 

And, we don't have to do this alone. We can work with an accountability buddy that we know and trust. We can work with a coach that can partner with us, champion us and help to ensure our initial and ongoing success.

Good luck and keep going with upcast eyes and irrepressible enthusiasm. 

Successful people are persistent.  It's a vital key to your success!  Persistence is about having the tenacity and self-determination to keep going after the initial thrill is gone.

I have a friend, an amazing artist, and he is the master of starting projects; and he has a studio filled with paintings that have been calling to him to finish for years.  Being excited and enthusiastic is only just the beginning. Most people give up at the first sign of opposition or misfortune. 

"I've missed more than 9,000 shots in my career. I've lost almost 300 games.

Twenty-six times I've been trusted to take the game winning shot and missed."

Michael Jordan

"Success is stumbling from one failure to another with no loss of enthusiasm." 

Winston Churchill

Every failure is the seed of an equivalent success.  Defeat is only a temporary experience.   It's up to you to adjust your attitude and carry on, even in face of opposition or adversity.  No one is going to do it for you!

Persistence is a state of being. This is hopeful.  It means that if you aren't persistent, if you procrastinate and let things slide, you can turn things around.  Being persistent is a choice that you can make in any moment. 

If it’s easier to be persistent with the help of others.  Surround yourself with at least one person who unwaveringly supports your cause, who encourages and uplifts you.  Be passionate about your goals.  Attune your mind to what you want to create. And cultivate the eight qualities of persistence:

definiteness of purpose

desire, self-reliance

definiteness of plans

accurate knowledge

cooperation

will-power

habit

Definiteness of Purpose

Clearly define exactly what you want to accomplish, by when and what you intend to give back in return. It is by giving that we receive; be ready and willing to deliver the kind of products and services that you would be grateful to receive.

Desire

Cultivate a burning desire to achieve your purpose, a motivation to succeed that impels you ever forward to action aspiring to be and do your best.

Self-Reliance

Know that you can and will carry out your plans; be decisive. Meet and overcome or circumvent any opposition that arises. Accept responsibility for your mistakes and for the mistakes of those who work for you. If unfavorable circumstances arise, rise above them. Do what needs to be done. Avoid shortcuts that involve trying to get something for nothing.

Definiteness of Plans

Have definite, organized, written plans. Face issues squarely as they arise. Be proactive, accountable, and decisive. Assume complete responsibility for your project or goal. Move on ideas and opportunities as they present; seize the moment.

Accurate Knowledge

Don’t rely on guessing or assumptions. Research your plans and know them to be sound. Acquire specialized knowledge or surround yourself with people who have the specialized knowledge you need to succeed.

Cooperation

Together is better.   Work with people who understand and support your goals; harmony and cooperation are key.

Will Power

Be self-determining. Focus upon the object of your desire and action needed to achieve your goal.

Habit

Be persistent. Dissolve your fear of failure or fear of success by engaging in repeated acts of courage.  Dissolve your fear of criticism by closing your mind to all negative and discouraging influences, including the negative comments and suggestions of family and friends.  Unfortunately, they can be the worst offenders. 

You may have to nod your head in all the right places or stop hanging around them so much; do what you need to do to maintain a positive can-do attitude and keep moving forward.  The more persistent you are, the more you will have faith in yourself and faith in what you are choosing to accomplish.  Faith is the antidote to failure!

Good luck and keep going with upcast eyes and irrepressible enthusiasm.