Welcome to What Makes a Good Coach, Part 5: Loving Confront

A good coach knows that there is a time and place to lovingly confront her client, to bring to the client's attention something they have been refusing to acknowledge or see, to bring to the client's attention what's been blocking resolution of an aspiration or goal that they've brought to table.

A good coach knows that the expansive, unconditionally supportive coaching presence that she holds opens doors for the client to explore and resolve what the client has been unable or unwilling to turn around and see.

This loving confront takes courage, empathy, conviction and a deep willingness to serve, which all good coaches share.  We desire to serve our clients, to walk alongside them in a way that facilitates new realizations and inspirations and positive steps forward.

A good coach knows how to lovingly confront her clients with something they are missing, avoiding, denying or pretending doesn't exist.

For example, a client may defer to the people at work, be a doormat and agree to take on more work than they can handle.  At home, the client may be strict, controlling and unreasonable with their children, like the tyrant they succumb to at work.

The client may be unaware that their behavior is driving away the people that are closest to them, that the client truly loves and things will never leave her, no matter the depth of her behavior.

When there's something that's obvious and profound tha the client doesn't see, it can help for the coach to name it so that the client can decide 'Where to from here?'

Then, it's up to the client to welcome or dismiss the coach's sharing as relevant or irrelevant to their life and their goals.

For the good coach, however the client decides to work or not work with what's on offer is fine.  She knows that no matter what, all will unfold for the client in diving timing and diving order.

Welcome to What Makes a Good Coach, Part 4: Active & Empathic Listening.

A good coach listens actively with an open mind and an open heart.

Active listening is about being tuned into the client, not only what is said but what is not said; what is shared and what is ignored, forgotten, or hidden. 

What is avoided, denied, or not yet known or acknowledged consciously is often about the elephant in the room, the true crux that is underlying what the client is bringing to the table; the real thing that needs to be recognized and explored to let go of what’s not working and stepping forward towards their goals.

A good coach listens empathically.

Empathic listening is listening from the heart; it’s listening with and ear and an eye to what the client is feeling and experiencing; it’s about becoming aware of what the client is experiencing and where they want and need to go to move forward, to accomplish what they’ve brought to the table.

There is no judgment in empathic listening; there is an open, expansive space within the coach that is held for the client so that there is depth and breadth to explore. 

There is a curiosity in empathic listening; wondering what’s blocking or impeding the client from creating their desired future and holding an open-hearted space where anything and everything is possible for the client.

As an active and empathic listener, a good coach uses the client ‘s metaphors, key words and phrases to help the client experience a new knowing, a path forward into the new.

She listens for key words and phrases her client uses and incorporates them into the conversation.  If they say that they want to take a deep dive into something, she’ll play with that metaphor: “Where are you now with that deep dive?” “How deep is your dive at the moment?” “How do you want your deep dive to look by the end of our time together?”

A good coach uses what her client shares to literally dive deeper.  She knows that using her words or phrases could build walls, while using the client’s words and phrases builds bridges. 

She feels and understands the power of the spoken word and unspoken word and is grateful and excited to partner with her client for the highest good of all concerned.

Welcome to What Makes a Good Coach Part 3:

Offering Comments, Ideas and Inspirations

A good coach doesn’t just ask questions.

That could feel invasive to our clients to simply be asked one question after another, leaving no space to breathe and be with the session, with the topic, goal, or situation they’ve brought to explore, go deeper and come out different, more self-assured, with a clearer, brighter way forward on the other side. 

Hence, a good coach knows how to offer something of herself to sessions in a way that helps her client move forward positively and with a greater knowing of where to from here.

So enjoy Part 3:

A good coach knows how to offer comments, ideas, and inspirations without attachment. 

She offers them in good faith from the heart. 

Whether her client accepts or rejects them is not important. If they take something she shares on board, great; if not, also great.  Her offering is simply an offering. 

She takes nothing personally.  It’s not about her. It’s about what resonates with the client from their perspective. 

Making offerings without attachment ties into holding a judgment-free zone for her client.  She’s not invested in her client seeing things her way.  She’s not invested in any particular outcome. 

She lets go of the reigns, partners with her client and allows their time together to organically unfold.

Welcome to Part 2 of What Makes a Good Coach. 

As coaches, not only are we holding an expansive space of unconditional positive regard, unconditional love for our clients, we are also holding a space that has absolutely no judgment, a judgment free zone, a space free of opinions of what our clients should or should not do, how they should or shouldn't be. In fact, this space is one of what could be, all the possibilities open to her.

So here goes:

A good coach holds a judgment-free space for her client. 

No matter what her client says or does, she doesn’t have an opinion about it. 

She doesn’t think that what her client is doing or saying is right or wrong, good or bad.  She listens intently to best serve her client, but she neither has nor formulates an agenda for them. 

She knows in her heart of hearts that her client has all the answers inside of them. 

She knows that no matter where they are at or how far they appear to have wandered down a road that does not serve them, in time they will find their way home. 

And that no matter what she could offer as a mentor, consultant or teacher, the realizations they eventually come to and the steps forward they decide to take will be perfect for them in the moment.