Like children, we all need time outs. Time to be by ourselves and with our feelings.  Time to ponder our actions and how kind and caring we’ve been, where we need to pick up our game, be a better friend to ourselves, and apologize for giving into guilt and shame and buying into stories that only serve to bring us down.

When we were children, timeouts were mandated as punishments:

"Go to your room. Think about what you have done.

Wait till your father gets home. What’s the matter with you?"

Now we can upgrade our timeouts to a welcomed respite from the rest of the world, to spend time in nature or in a place that exudes peace, a loving sanctuary where no one judges us, including ourselves.

The internet, computer screens, and cell phones sap our energy. 

Whatever happened to live conversations, getting to know each other, and hanging out?  Whatever happened to a quiet time when nothing much was happening, spending time reading a book, just hanging out?

Sometimes when we have still moments, we don’t know what to do with ourselves. 

The world has quieted down but we’re still spinning, our mind is running at warp speed and our resting pulse feels like it’s running a 10K. 

We need to retrain our bodies, minds, and emotions to deactivate hyperdrive, breathe deeply, and be with ourselves.

It’s not rocket science. It’s common sense from the heart.  Overstimulation is impacting our health, disconnecting us from nature, and impacting our ability to give and receive love.  Less is more.

Going from 75 mph to 40 could tax our patience, leading to irritability and a ‘let’s go, let’s go already!” mentality.  And slowing down from warp to docking speed could be our time to breathe out, be grateful for the journey, and feel into the learning, what we’ve learned, and how we’ve grown. 

It’s our perspective and attitude that matters.  It’s our outlook on life that helps to set the table for what comes next. 

If you were to schedule your next timeout, where would you go? How would it be? 

Part of the wonder of timeouts is planning and visualizing the journey. 

What will I do?

How will it be to slow down, ponder, journal, and reflect?

How can I bring myself with calm assurance?

How can I arrive with generosity of spirit in my heart?

There is no ‘getting there’. We will always be a work in progress no matter how much we wake up to our hearts’ knowing. No matter how much we evolve and grow.

Timeouts are intermezzos, the sorbet that cleanses our palate between the events of our life.

Timeouts give us a fresh start. They help us to close the book where the learning is complete, the lesson is over, we get it, and have integrated it into our hearts.

Timeouts help us to place that book back on the shelf; it's served its purpose, and it's time to let go.

Timeouts give us the space to close the door of the old behind us and walk through that new door that’s been beaconing to us, waiting for us to have the courage and wisdom to know that the new is there for us.

Timeouts are a time for heartfelt gratitude for the learning and growth, for curiosity and a sense of wonder about what comes next, what new adventures are possible.

There’s time and space to be at peace with our mistakes, to drop the judgment, and to love and nurture ourselves.  Time to rediscover ourselves with a thankful heart.

Timeouts are an important part of life. 

And, if the truth be told, we can breathe and be with ourselves every day, welcoming a moment or two or more to invite a timeout into our heart of hearts, to be with ourselves, to love ourselves and the journey, to love life and the gift of being embodied on Planet Earth with an accelerated opportunity to be more, do less and grow.

The more we appreciate these moments, our timeouts, the more we love ourselves enough to make them a part of our lives, the more the universe inside of us opens and we can remember who we are and why we’re here:

I am an aspect of Source.

I am grateful to be here now.

I am choosing to bring love to everything in my life.

One of the best ways to reduce stress and feel better on all levels is exercise. 

There are many options for cardiovascular fitness, strength training, flexibility, and overall wellness, catering to our preferences and fitness levels.   

For example, there’s

Yoga

Pilates

Walking

Running / Jogging

Cycling

Swimming

Dance (e.g., Zumba, ballet, salsa)

Hiking

Strength training (weightlifting)

Barre workouts

Group Fitness classes (e.g. HIIIT, boot camp)

Aerobics

Kickboxing

Water aerobics

Tai Chi

Indoor cycling (spin classes)

Tennis

Pickleball

Golf

Rock climbing

Bodyweight exercises (e.g. calisthenics, TRX)

CrossFit

Martial arts (e.g. karate, taekwondo)

When we have a regular exercise or movement schedule, our body changes, and we are positively transformed and uplifted by the experience. 

Regular exercise:

Boosts our stamina and energy levels, helping us stay alert and productive throughout the day.

Promotes better concentration and cognitive function, enabling us to tackle tasks with clarity and efficiency.

Triggers the release of endorphins, which alleviates stress and improves mood helping us cope with the demands of work and life effectively.

Regulates sleep patterns, ensuring we get the rest we need for optimal performance at work.

Fosters a sense of accomplishment and self-assurance, empowering us to take on challenges and assert ourselves professionally.

Strengthens our immune system, enhancing our well-being and health.

Enhances cognitive function and creativity, leading to improved problem-solving and productivity.

Reduces the risk of chronic diseases and enhances our quality of life.

Prioritizing

No matter what gets in the way - time constraints, fatigue, lack of motivation, guilt, convenience or access to classes or facilities  - we can find positive ways to prioritize our physical/emotional/mental health and fitness.

For example, we can:

Schedule exercise sessions like any other appointment and make them non-negotiable.

Incorporate short bursts of activity throughout the day, like taking the stairs and doing desk exercises during breaks.

Get up earlier in the morning for a workout or use our lunch break for a quick gym session or walk.

Make sure we are getting enough sleep, which exercise helps us experience.

Choose activities we enjoy and find energizing.

Break our workouts into shorter sessions if we’re feeling tired or drained.

Set specific achievable goals and track our progress to stay motivated.

Find a workout buddy or join group classes to add a social element.

Mix up our workouts to keep them interesting and fun.

Remember that exercise is an investment in ourselves, and it benefits those around us.

Make it a family affair by taking a hike, going for a bike ride, or playing active games together.

Work out at home, take online fitness classes, or run, hike, or bike from home.

Incorporate physical activity into our daily routine, such as walking or biking to work if feasible.

Why Don't We? A Psychological Key to Success

Even when we know that exercise and staying fit are important, even when we are unhappy with our weight, stamina, and strength, why do we continue to do little or nothing?

Have you ever noticed that people who smoke cigarettes know that smoking kills you and yet continue to smoke? How can they do that?

They continue to smoke because smoking killing you is not real to them. They don't see themselves as sick or dying, even if they've had a smoker's cough for years.

But, if they find out that they have lung cancer or some stage of lung disease, that all changes.  They become aware that they are actually dying, and the reality of smoking becomes real and personal to them.

My mother was a pack-and-a-half-per-day smoker for 20+ years.  As a child, I tried to get her to quit by drawing skulls and cross bones on her cartons of cigarettes. It didn't change her behavior.  She just got angry with me.

I was surprised when I came home for the holidays during my freshman year of college and she had quit.  She became aware of a scratchy sensation in her throat that she had never experienced before and became scared.

So she went to her doctor, got the nicotine patch, and quit. That was it.  She never smoked another cigarette until the day she died twenty-five years later.

She allowed change to move through her and created a new, healthier reality for herself.

So don't wait until your bones are brittle and you fall, or you are huffing and puffing and can barely walk up a flight of stairs, or whatever your threshold of pain is to implement change.

Set realistic and doable goals now.

Do things that may challenge you but you enjoy.

Acknowledge your weekly accomplishments and monthly milestones.

Celebrate the changes you see and feel in your body, mind, and heart.

Embrace the joy of self-care.

What truly matters to you in your personal and professional life? 

When you say yes to opportunities, experiences, and lifestyle choices aligned with your values and say no to those that are not, doors open to a more joyful and meaningful life.

So let's uncover your core values and decide how to best work with them.

Step 1: Determining our core values.

From the list below, choose and write down every core value that resonates with you. 

This is not a thinking exercise. It’s a feeling one. 

Relax and Breathe

So let's relax your nervous system and be fully present here now. 

Sit in a comfortable chair, your feet flat on the floor uncrossed and your spine straight. 

Close your eyes or gaze down, whatever is most relaxing for you. 

Breathe in through your nose and out through your nose, with the out-breath longer than the in-breath. 

Breathe like this at least 10 times.

Then as you breathe in, breathe in gratitude for making this time for yourself, and breathe out any stress or tension in your body; let it go. 

Breathe like this 10 times or more as well.

Notice how you feel as you continue to breathe and relax.

Create Your List

In this calm, relaxed state, read through the list below and write down any words that feel like core values.

If words come to you that are not on the list, write them down as well. 

Step 2: Group Similar Values

Group all similar values in a way that makes sense to you, by what you feel goes together. Create no more than five groups.  If you create more, drop the least important group(s) to you.

For example:

Group 1:  Courageous, Decisiveness, Dedication, Innovation, Originality

Group 2:  Resourcefulness, Risk Taking, Preparedness, Resilience, Responsibility

Group 3: Empathy, Compassion, Fairness, Cooperation, Loyalty

Group 4: Calmness, Acceptance, Grace, Service, Spirituality

Step 3:   Choose Key Words

Choose one word from each group that represents the label for the entire group and circle it.  Again, this is a feeling choice, not a thinking choice. There are no right or wrong answers. It’s about your first impression, a feeling impression.

For example:

Group 1:  Decisiveness

Group 2: Preparedness

Group 3: Empathy

Group 4: Acceptance

Group 5: Flexibility

Step 4: Add a Verb to Each Value

Add a verb to each value, so you see it as an actionable value. 

For example:

Choose decisiveness.

Promote preparedness.

Model empathy.

Live in acceptance.

Act with flexibility.

Write your statements down to remind and guide you to live more purposely. 

Step 5: Prioritize Your List

Finally, write your core-value statements in order of priority.

For example:

Live in acceptance.

Model empathy.

Promote preparedness.

Choose decisiveness.

Act with flexibility.

Post your value statements so that they are visible and accessible.

Know that they are there when you need to make decisions.

Be grateful they are there to remind you what's important to you and the kind of person you are choosing to be.

And Remember

You are still evolving and growing. 

You're not the same person you were ten years ago, and you'll be different five years from now. 

So, revisit your core values periodically and keep your vision of where you are headed, your alignment, and who you are choosing to be, current and meaningful to you in a heartfelt way.

How good are you at saying no?

When someone asks you to commit your time and attention to something and you are already maxed out, are you confident and comfortable enough to say no, or do you want to keep them happy?

There’s no need to be hard on yourself if you have difficulty saying no.  There is an art to professionally and firmly saying no, and you can master it.

Here’s what can happen when we don’t say no and overcommit:

We experience burnout, adrenal fatigue, and exhaustion. 

We feel stressed and overwhelmed by simple tasks that need our attention.

Our productivity plummets.

We feel anxious and depressed. 

We experience insomnia.

Our cardiovascular system is compromised.

Our personal and professional relationships are strained.

We feel guilty about the lack of personal and family time.

We experience dissatisfaction in all areas of our life.

We don’t have the time or energy to pursue new opportunities or take on challenging projects.

The quality of our work suffers due to rushed deadlines and divided attention.

When life hits you with a two-by-four and there's a gift.

When I was thirty-two, I suffered a miscarriage, got a massive infection, and was hospitalized. My mother flew in to take care of my two-year-old son, and to make sure that I saw him every day.

I was a young attorney with my own law firm and I couldn't work.  My body was unwell, stressed, and needed time to recover.

What I learned was that life would go on without me. The world would keep turning, and if I died, someone  would assume my responsibilities.

I didn’t feel morbid or upset by this discovery.  It was freeing. 

The experience helped me to create the space I needed to be a mother and to take care of myself physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually.  I stopped trying to be everything for everybody.

Something inside of me let go.

What I learned.

Saying yes when I need to say no is not about self-care or self-love. It hurts me and the people who depend upon me and that I love. 

If someone reacts when I say no and holds a grudge, they are not someone I want in my life.  Most people who receive my no will find someone to replace me, another way to handle the situation.

Life will go on.

Here are ten polite, professional ways I've learned to say no.

Thank you for considering me, but unfortunately, I have to pass.

I appreciate the offer but I’m unable to commit at this time.

I’m honored that you thought of me, but I must respectfully decline.

I’m afraid I have other priorities at the moment, so I’ll have to say no.

While I’m grateful for the opportunity, I have to decline due to prior commitments.

I’ve had to learn to be selective with my time, so I hope you understand that I have to decline.

Thank you for asking, but I’m not available to take on any more responsibilities right now.

I’ve had to make some tough decisions about my schedule, and unfortunately, I can’t accept.

I appreciate your understanding that I need to focus on other obligations at this time.

I wish I could help, but I have to decline this time. Thank you for thinking of me.

For Your Sanity and Wellbeing

Memorize several ways to say no. Practice them. Be comfortable saying them. Breathe.  Notice how you feel when you have the courage to listen to your own heart’s knowing and be true to yourself.