Nearly every company starts the same way, with an idea.  An idea is fueled by passion, the kind of passion that leads us to do irrational things, like leaving a good-paying job, working incredibly long hours, and sacrificing stability and certainty.

Many small businesses fail because passion alone is not enough. That passion is their why, the purpose, cause or belief that defines them.  Passion needs structure to survive.  Businesses need structures and procedures, so their people know how to get things done, how to set and reach goals, how to do what needs to be done to produce and deliver the best products and services, how to reach the clients or customers that resonate with their why and believe as they believe.

Strangely enough, the biggest challenge a business may face is success.  With success, the company may forget about its why and only focus on how and what they do.  This can lead to disastrous results. Walmart started off as a company obsessed with serving the community and became obsessed with achieving its goals.

When a business is small, the founder relies on gut feelings, what feels right, to make decisions.  As the organization grows and becomes more successful, it’s not possible for one person to make all the decisions. Others must be trusted and relied upon to make all kinds of decisions, which may not be made in alignment with the Founder's why.

As the power base grows, the why becomes diluted, and the company experiences a split. Gut feelings are replaced by linear thinking and empirical data.  They are no longer inspired by a cause greater than themselves. They simply come to work, manage systems and work to reach certain preset goals.  The passion is gone, and inspiration fades away.

Manipulation starts to dominate how the company sells its products and services. Bonuses, promotions, stock options and overt or unspoken threats are used to hire and hold onto talent.  This is the state that most companies find themselves in today. It’s a major cause of stress, burnout. and work dissatisfaction.

Businesses that focus on what and how can reconnect with their why. Starting with Why is hopeful, it feels hopeful for business and the future. It’s the catalyst that can change how business is done and how the everyday man and woman, middle manager and top leaders enjoy and love work life.

We all have stories.  Stories about what happened to us in childhood, as teenagers, as young adults and at various turning points in our lives. 

Our stories have a limited purpose.  They can help us to define our why, the reason we get out of bed in the morning and do what we do.  They can show us what we want and don’t want in life, how we want to act and not act, who we want to model ourselves after or not.

Our stories become self-destructive or just a waste of time if we use them to explain how we are or how things are in our life.  “I’m just time challenged. I can never get anywhere on time.”  “I don’t know how to (fill in the blank). It’s just something I'm not good at.”

The only thing that we can control is ourselves – how we feel and act, our attitude and outlook on life, what we make of what we experience in our life and the world around us.

It can be confronting to bring everything back to ourselves. If someone is acting like an idiot and we feel angry or hurt, we need to bring it back to ourselves.

Why? Because we are the one having a reaction. This person is getting to us, and that’s a gift.  How can this possibly be a gift?  It’s showing us a bit that’s broken and that can be used as an ‘in’ to manipulate or control us.  It’s showing us a bit that needs some understanding, compassion, and love.

Why talk about stories and reactions, and what does this have to do with success in business?  These stories and reactions can be patterns we use, consciously or unconsciously, to sabotage our success or to keep us from being only so successful.

What we bring to business that attracts clients and customers to us is who we are and how we make them feel when they are around us.  It's about the presence we hold.

We must be competent at what we do and how we do it. And, there are lots of people that do the same thing as us. In order to stand out in a crowd, we need to love the parts of us that are sabotaging our success. That are getting in the way of us moving forward.

The only way to do that is to bring back every reaction we have to someone or something else back home to ourselves. This can feel sharp and unsettling.  But we can reframe it. Actually, it’s an amazing opportunity to let go of something that’s holding us back and keeping us small or keeping us from realizing that goal, completing that project or landing that new client. That’s hopeful.

When we bring it back to ourselves and acknowledge, “Hey, I’m really angry or hurt”, and then sit with it for a moment, something shifts inside of us.  When we acknowledge our feelings, stop judging the other person and ourselves for having a reaction, for not handling the situation better, for saying something 'stupid' or whatever, we feel different, like a weight has been lifted off of our shoulders. We can just accept this is how it is.  “It’s not about me. This person is lashing out, not because of me, but because of something that's happening inside of them.”

Once we are no longer in judgment, we can bring in gratitude. Gratitude that we have the courage to look at ourselves with new eyes and be real with what’s going on, and not make it about somebody else.  Gratitude that we don't have to take on the dramas of others and make them our own.  Gratitude that we can let go of what's been bothering us and see the situation from a fresh perspective.

Gratitude is a key. Gratitude helps us do a better job and not backdoor ourselves with negative self-talk or making someone else’s bad hair day our fault or our responsibility.

We can do and be our best without becoming mired in our client’s dramas, unreasonable demands or poor behavior. As leaders, it is not kind to ourselves or those under our charge to become doormats or compost bins for our clients.

Gratitude and acceptance can light the way for new kind of business acumen and entrepreneurial spirit that supports the best interests of all concerned.

I attended a networking educational event recently, which is not my favorite activity. 

Why? Most people are so intent on getting business that they feel rushed and anxious, hoping to make the right connection, land the new, fantastic client, experience a major shift in their financial status.

It reminds me of watching old movies or television shows.

On Netflix, I recently watched a few episodes of The Dick Van Dyke Show, considered one of those television classics, a weekly show that ran from 1961 – 1966.

I felt drawn to watch a few episodes and every scene felt endless, so different from the pace of today’s world. I felt myself just wanting to know how everything turned out instead of enjoying the lightness, comedy and drama of it all.

I found myself wondering, back to networking, how we can enjoy more moments of our business that involves connecting with clients and potential clients, finding those experiences more enjoyable, as a process, instead of hoping to get to the punch line (more business) as soon as possible. 

Anxiety is fear and pushes away what we want to accomplish. People can feel our hurriedness and the pressure we are putting on ourselves, and that’s not good for business.

I decided to change my mindset; choose a new attitude; just be genuinely curious, and it worked. More enjoyment of networking events. More relaxed and in the moment. More of a positive magnet to create what I am aligning to in life.

It’s simple. See if this works for you. Simply focus on engaging with one person, wherever you are, and having a meaningful conversation. What are her interests? Hobbies? Recent adventures? Obstacles in her life?

Listen. Ask a few questions. Give them your undivided attention. Be genuinely curious. Get their contact information if that feels appropriate; you can send her something later.

This is such a gift we can give to people, the gift of being heard, the gift of someone not checking their cell phone for messages or texting, the gift of having someone just listening to us.

And it takes the stress away because we stop worrying about results.  Results happen over time, when we follow up, see them again (or not . . . that’s life!)

Like the Dick Van Dyke Show, the laughter and connections build over time.  One step, one breath, one moment at a time, so we can enjoy those ‘boring’ meetings and get-togethers and be more of the genuine superstar marketer, authentic, real and caring, who we already are inside!

There are only two ways to influence human behavior: love and fear.  With love, we inspire people to buy our products or services. With fear, we manipulate them. 

Businesses, political groups etc. easily resort to manipulation. Manipulation techniques work in the short-term. But, they do not breed loyalty and the gains are not long lasting.

With manipulation, our products or services become a commodity. We try to get people to buy by:

offering cash back

slashing the price

adding new features

running promotions

We use strategies like

peer pressure

aspirational advertising

fear-based advertising

When we drop our prices low enough or offer promotions like buy one get one free or two for the price of one, people buy from us. But at what cost?

Slashing prices and running promotions are not good for business. Clients expect a bargain and wait for sales to avoid paying full price. The cash-back or rebate business can be deceptive. Some sellers have so many conditions attached to their rebates that a lot of buyers pay full price. They either fail to follow complex rebate instructions or encounter a loophole that precludes them from participating.

Novelty items like a new flavor of toothpaste or a new feature on an existing product can also drive sales.  Again, this is temporary. It doesn't last.

Peer pressure advertisements include:

celebrity endorsements

professional endorsements: 4 out of 5 dentists prefer Trident; a double-blind study at a top university concluded that . . .

don't-miss-out advertisements: with over a million satisfied customers and counting . . . 75% of your competitors are using our service, why aren’t you?

Fear-based messages motivate us to move away from something.

L’Oreal’s tag line of “Because I’m Worth It” targets self-loathing in women.

FedEx’s “Absolutely, Positively Overnight” addresses our fear of missing a deadline.

Nike’s “Just Do It” capitalizes on our fear of missing out.

Aspirational messages tempt us with something we want and are afraid we can’t get.

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Manipulation creates massive stress for buyers and sellers alike. When there are conflicting advertisements and many brands to choose from, buyers can’t tell which one is best for them and feel stressed.  The competition to continually produce new and improved brands is hard work. The long-term effects of making short-term decisions are lower profit margins and higher stress levels in business.

Stress is the silent killer.  With stress, cortisol is released into our system which increases blood pressure, decreases cognitive ability, increases aggression and selfish behavior and makes us more vulnerable to disease. 

Employees filled with cortisol are less productive, innovative and reliable.  Consumers in cortisol fight-or-flight mode want to feel better.  Being manipulated to buy your company's product or service may give them temporary relief, but that doesn't equate to long-term loyalty or commitment to your what you offer.

Using manipulation as a means to an end is negatively affecting our health and wellbeing on many levels.  It is the anthesis to success.  How can we influence human behavior with love?  Love is the answer.