How good are you at saying no?

When someone asks you to commit your time and attention to something and you are already maxed out, are you confident and comfortable enough to say no, or do you want to keep them happy?

There’s no need to be hard on yourself if you have difficulty saying no.  There is an art to professionally and firmly saying no, and you can master it.

Here’s what can happen when we don’t say no and overcommit:

We experience burnout, adrenal fatigue, and exhaustion. 

We feel stressed and overwhelmed by simple tasks that need our attention.

Our productivity plummets.

We feel anxious and depressed. 

We experience insomnia.

Our cardiovascular system is compromised.

Our personal and professional relationships are strained.

We feel guilty about the lack of personal and family time.

We experience dissatisfaction in all areas of our life.

We don’t have the time or energy to pursue new opportunities or take on challenging projects.

The quality of our work suffers due to rushed deadlines and divided attention.

When life hits you with a two-by-four and there's a gift.

When I was thirty-two, I suffered a miscarriage, got a massive infection, and was hospitalized. My mother flew in to take care of my two-year-old son, and to make sure that I saw him every day.

I was a young attorney with my own law firm and I couldn't work.  My body was unwell, stressed, and needed time to recover.

What I learned was that life would go on without me. The world would keep turning, and if I died, someone  would assume my responsibilities.

I didn’t feel morbid or upset by this discovery.  It was freeing. 

The experience helped me to create the space I needed to be a mother and to take care of myself physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually.  I stopped trying to be everything for everybody.

Something inside of me let go.

What I learned.

Saying yes when I need to say no is not about self-care or self-love. It hurts me and the people who depend upon me and that I love. 

If someone reacts when I say no and holds a grudge, they are not someone I want in my life.  Most people who receive my no will find someone to replace me, another way to handle the situation.

Life will go on.

Here are ten polite, professional ways I've learned to say no.

Thank you for considering me, but unfortunately, I have to pass.

I appreciate the offer but I’m unable to commit at this time.

I’m honored that you thought of me, but I must respectfully decline.

I’m afraid I have other priorities at the moment, so I’ll have to say no.

While I’m grateful for the opportunity, I have to decline due to prior commitments.

I’ve had to learn to be selective with my time, so I hope you understand that I have to decline.

Thank you for asking, but I’m not available to take on any more responsibilities right now.

I’ve had to make some tough decisions about my schedule, and unfortunately, I can’t accept.

I appreciate your understanding that I need to focus on other obligations at this time.

I wish I could help, but I have to decline this time. Thank you for thinking of me.

For Your Sanity and Wellbeing

Memorize several ways to say no. Practice them. Be comfortable saying them. Breathe.  Notice how you feel when you have the courage to listen to your own heart’s knowing and be true to yourself.