Wednesday, 17th of October 2018

Wednesday, 17th of October 2018

Communication is key to your success. It's not only what you say, it's how you say it . . . the feeling behind your body language and words.

You know what it feels like when the person you are talking to is angry, frustrated and unwilling to listen . . . unwilling to consider your point of view . . . your input.

Whether you respond or react when talking with difficult or upset people . . . that's the key to whether open communication is possible. When you respond . . .you don't buy into their projections or what they are saying . . . you don't take it personally.

This is not always easy. But the truth is . . . their reaction to you or their projection of their negative feelings at you . . . says so much more about THEM than you.

And . . . I do take steps to energetically protect myself . . . it's just common sense to shield ourselves from the unkindness or even venom of others.

The key is . . . holding an open, non-judgmental space . . . with clear and appropriate boundaries (e.g. energetic hygiene) . . . a space that is open and inviting to share and exchange ideas.

And . . . let me step back for a moment . . . sometimes you just have to WALK AWAY . . . some people are so closed, so about getting their point over the goal line . . . so toxic . . . that to be in your personal integrity . . . you just have to leave. 

Back to judgment . . . if you don't judge the person who is difficult or having a bad hair day . . . if you simply listen and allow them to vent . . . if you just want to know what they are feeling and thinking and why . . . the whole situation can diffuse . . . new doors can open and new possibilities. . . new solutions that you never dreamed were possible of a little while ago . . . are on the table and being discussed.

Most people simply need to be acknowledged and heard in order to work things out. Active listening . . . being fully present with someone, giving them your full attention, asking questions with a genuine curiosity to clarify or learn more . . . is a very rare commodity . . . if you can do that, you may be one in a million. 

Honestly . . . how often do you share with someone and they are NOT on their cell phone or computer . . . and they are NOT interrupting you and trying to persuade you or change your mind . . . and they are NOT disagreeing with you right away . . . you see what I mean?

So be open . . . and watch your attitude. If you have it in your head that you are RIGHT and they are WRONG . . . communication is NOT possible. You are in lock down . . . and I know because I really have to watch this kind of arrogance in myself . . . it's not a good look. 

And negotiation . . . working out agreements or compromises . . . is one aspect of communication. It can be really fun . . . when actively listen without judgment. . . being a good negotiator is also about knowing your bottom line . . . being really clear on what you'd like to see and how far you are willing to go . . . AND, being open to NEW WAYS of getting to your destination.

Negotiating is like a dance . . . you don't have to agree with someone or follow their lead . . . to actively listen. You just have to drop all expectations about who they are and what they are going to say . . . greeting them as if for the very FIRST time.

So you're building rapport . . . feeling more affinity with those you work and socialize with . . . those you live with and love . . .

No one is an island. You need people you can relate to and people you can count on . . . it's not rocket science . . . it's how we are built.

So PRACTICE . . . listen, drop the judgment, hold an open inviting space with clear, strong boundaries . . . every day . . . see how you go . . . notice what changes for you. 

If you want more . . . there's Listening for Success, Classes to support your relating and negotiating skills . . . and one-on-one Leadership Coaching (. . . for Women and Women Attorneys).

If you have any questions as you are playing with this stuff . . . just text me and we can set up a FREE call.  +1 720.936.2634